tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6374214322052565688.post1371211320862098653..comments2024-03-18T12:26:47.682-07:00Comments on Full Of The Dickens: Can't Climb Out -- UPDATEDCPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09049860284871030328noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6374214322052565688.post-88419125798366093552012-11-12T11:06:29.176-08:002012-11-12T11:06:29.176-08:00AAL and Grace both mentioned "learning to fig...AAL and Grace both mentioned "learning to fight," which I think is such a huge milestone for any relationship -- unless of course you start out knowing how to fight, which we didn't. Have you ever read any of John Gottman's books? He's a psychologist who studies what makes a happy marriage, and in his research he has taped hundreds of couples fighting. He has some great insights! <br /><br />Anyway, glad you're talking again and feeling better!CMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01559451322234777335noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6374214322052565688.post-10857347312291198812012-11-12T05:14:08.366-08:002012-11-12T05:14:08.366-08:00Guys are so weird. Cant help much with his concern...Guys are so weird. Cant help much with his concern over the scratch; that would imply that I understand the male brain which I definitely don't. I love how the stereotype is that women are so hard to understand. At least we would scream and yell and explain why we're mad about a damn scratch rather that wallow in silence and make everybody guess why we're mad! But oh wait-the scratch probably wouldn't bother us. :) The rut happens to everybody! And it sucks when it does-cause it's so easy to forget when it wasn't like that. And it will happen again. Alex and I had the same issue about the rut thing; he would come home and I'd be so wiped from my day that I would give him the kid update and run away to my room to catch up on hulu before I fell asleep long before he even made it to bed. Long story short-it didn't take long for us to realize we couldn't remember the last time we had an uninterrupted conversation that didn't involve something having to do with poop! So we said we weren't going to go online anymore after the kids went to bed, and we weren't going to watch TV unless it was something we had agreed to watch together beforehand. We play cards, Scrabble, tell each other something about ourselves the other didn't know before, cook something, sit out on the deck with an amaretto sour, etc. It probably sounds lame, and I would be lying if I didn't say that sometimes I realize I am spending Saturday night playing Scrabble at the age of 27 and wondering what the hell happened to my life. Haha. You're an awesome mom, wife and person all around! And I love that you are able to just dump, vent and get over it-that makes you more awesome in my book. Love you and here's to hoping your husband gets the hell over the car. It's not like he can take it to the grave or anything!The Frain Familyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14027955688198497068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6374214322052565688.post-36589999378414860892012-11-11T17:45:32.095-08:002012-11-11T17:45:32.095-08:00Wow, I totally could've written this myself. ...Wow, I totally could've written this myself. I hate how my spouse carries his touchpad around everywhere he goes and puts his earphones in. HOW AM ARE WE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION if you're always hooked up to your stupid device?! It's so hard to keep up a good adult relationship when you're juggling so much--kids, work, housework, etc. After spending every last ounce of strength you have on all the foregoing, you really have very little energy and patience for each other. I know I need to really make time for just the 2 of us but that is just so hard when your day is so freaking full. But hopefully you guys (and me and mine) will find the time somehow...nothing sucks more than when the marriage sucks.Alice in Wonderlandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11566311260826920486noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6374214322052565688.post-52408804797328650162012-11-11T13:24:40.949-08:002012-11-11T13:24:40.949-08:00We have the opposite problem-we know how to fight ...We have the opposite problem-we know how to fight and communicate and DAMN do we overuse it, but still. Hugs. Ruts end-this one will too. Which doesn't help while you're in it, but I'm thinking of you!<br /><br />Also. A scratch? Really? ::waves hands around:: Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11743937341664264473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6374214322052565688.post-23353869232651331642012-11-11T12:07:18.927-08:002012-11-11T12:07:18.927-08:00I am so sorry. I don't think anything hurts qu...I am so sorry. I don't think anything hurts quite as bad as emotional distance from the adult you love most in the world. I hope you have a happier day waiting for both of you just around the corner. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6374214322052565688.post-13952983494171375222012-11-11T11:43:48.506-08:002012-11-11T11:43:48.506-08:00Hugs, CP. I know what this feels like. We're c...Hugs, CP. I know what this feels like. We're coming up on 20 years and even though we rarely fight these days, learning to fight was *hard*. And we still both have days like this where the other is pissed but doesn't want to talk about it. <br /><br />Hoping you get some distance, some desserts, and that he gets the heck over the Probe. (And maybe this is a good time to start selling that thing for parts.) :) Queen of Hatshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18414857586175029137noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6374214322052565688.post-66439774781103726442012-11-11T10:00:09.312-08:002012-11-11T10:00:09.312-08:00I have no answers but I do thank you for your post...I have no answers but I do thank you for your post. It is nice to know others go through this. I get sucked into the idea everyone else has a great "normal" marriage (whatever that is). We have changed a lot after our daughter and not necessarily for the better, whether it is becoming parents or just that we have been together for almost ten years. I often feel bored, trapped and anxious.......I am in individual counseling, not sure it is helping the relationship but it helps me...You are defiantly not alone. Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07836446892802947493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6374214322052565688.post-31256643237933394972012-11-11T04:17:13.568-08:002012-11-11T04:17:13.568-08:00Marriage is fucking hard. I am not at all surprise...Marriage is fucking hard. I am not at all surprised by your update that he was holding a grudge about something that you had NO WAY of knowing was at issue. My hubs and I both do this. Its awful. <br />Fighting in marriage is fucking hard -- hard to keep the fight about what is actually on the table and not bring up every slight (real and imagined) that has happened in the last week, month, year.<br />I have no real insight other than, it is probably healthier to speak up, even if you feel like you're *always* the one who does, even if the fight *always* feels the same... it takes time and awareness to make the recurring issues go away.<br />Hugs. Butterflyfishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10107438909973957940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6374214322052565688.post-22298970678576257712012-11-10T22:12:45.809-08:002012-11-10T22:12:45.809-08:00Thank you for that. I know I need to say something...Thank you for that. I know I need to say something but it's hard to make the first move when I still feel hurt. This isn't a one-time thing. It's a recurring thing. I keep failing at figuring out how to prevent it.CPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09049860284871030328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6374214322052565688.post-43221847929508860302012-11-10T22:03:55.315-08:002012-11-10T22:03:55.315-08:00:( as a single girl, i am in no position to give ...:( as a single girl, i am in no position to give advice. but i do know, that in many of my failed relationships, i have reached a point roughly similar to this and continued to be stubborn instead of just saying to the guy, hey, we need to switch things up, this is driving me nuts, wouldn't it be nice to do x for a change? can't say that it will work, but it might be better than the alternative. every day can't be the most amazing and exciting day, but it helps to have a little something special to look forward to at regular intervals, i think. hope things get better soon :)Paragon2Pieceshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16186204100704440304noreply@blogger.com