So THIS is how I decided to spend my very limited free time this morning. Kinda pathetic. I have a time management problem.
I have issues.
Get it?
ISSUES!
Magazine issues.....
[Hides face in shame]
Sh*t: I wipe it, put up with it, and get it done. These are the adventures of a mommy lawyer.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Playground Karma
I can always count on Goodwill to be well-stocked with items that we absolutely do not need. For example, thanks to our trip to Goodwill yesterday, Jacob is now the proud owner of a pair of one-size too small Spiderman swimming trunks. Not only is summer swimming season over, but he already has four pairs of swim trunks. But Jacob absolutely HAD to have them. How could I pass up a $1.99 cry-free ride home?
The Spiderman swim trunks came on the second we got home. They did not come off. Period. Not for bedtime. Not for the next day. Not for bedtime tonight. We may have a problem on our hands.
The Goods:
Tonight, after work, I had the kids to myself. We went down to the neighborhood farmer's market at the nearby park. I had Ryan facing forward in the Baby Bjorn and Jacob was trailing along next to us on his Thomas the Tank Engine bike. He only ran over my toes three times.
We stopped at our favorite booth and ordered grilled corn on the cobb. I gave the lady my money and she handed me a paper bowl filled with perfectly-charred corn. It looked amazing. And it didn't hurt that every inch was dripping in hot butter. I took a couple bites before I sacrificed my snack to Jacob. He pecked at it like a bird. And when he was finished, it looked exactly like it had just lost a battle with pointy-beaked crow. Every other piece of corn was missing. I tried to finish Jake's scraps but each bite tasted like it had been marinating in slimy 4 year old slobber. Not appealing. We were about to leave when Ryan knocked the bowl out of my hands, sending butter dripping all over my hair. The smell of greasy butter infiltrated my every breath. My hair didn't feel so awesome either.
Before returning home, I let Jake play on the playground. There, we met Bossy Brat Child from Hell. She looked no older than 2 years old. But what she lacked in size, she made up for with her sparkling personality. She smacked Jacob and laughed. Then tried to push him down the slide. At one point she ran up to him and reached out to grab his water bottle out of his hands. Jacob held the bottle to his abdomen lay down on the playground bark and doubled over in a move I call the Potato Bug Defense. Brat Child got bored, gave up, and moved on to find another kid to steal from.
When Jake was assured that his water bottle was safe, we took Ryan out of the Baby Bjorn and helped him slide down the baby slide. He seemed unimpressed.....Until....Jacob decided to go with him. Jacob sat down on the slide beside Ryan, grabbed his tiny hand. and down they went. Ryan let out a long string of giggles.
As I was about to pick Ryan up off the slide, he let out a monstrous belch. Without warning, a geyser of spit-up frothed at his mouth before erupting all over the slide. I looked around for something to wipe it up with. I was just about to run for a napkin when, all of a sudden, Brat Child shoved a kid out of her way and toddled towards the slide. Before I could even gather a thought, she slid right down and landed in the puddle of curdled spit-up. She looked down at her pants in disgust.
Oh, Karma! Eventually, every shit-head gets what's coming to her.
So, what exacty did I do to deserve an evening full of buttery smelling hair? And, is that a punishment or a reward?
The Spiderman swim trunks came on the second we got home. They did not come off. Period. Not for bedtime. Not for the next day. Not for bedtime tonight. We may have a problem on our hands.
The Goods:
Tonight, after work, I had the kids to myself. We went down to the neighborhood farmer's market at the nearby park. I had Ryan facing forward in the Baby Bjorn and Jacob was trailing along next to us on his Thomas the Tank Engine bike. He only ran over my toes three times.
We stopped at our favorite booth and ordered grilled corn on the cobb. I gave the lady my money and she handed me a paper bowl filled with perfectly-charred corn. It looked amazing. And it didn't hurt that every inch was dripping in hot butter. I took a couple bites before I sacrificed my snack to Jacob. He pecked at it like a bird. And when he was finished, it looked exactly like it had just lost a battle with pointy-beaked crow. Every other piece of corn was missing. I tried to finish Jake's scraps but each bite tasted like it had been marinating in slimy 4 year old slobber. Not appealing. We were about to leave when Ryan knocked the bowl out of my hands, sending butter dripping all over my hair. The smell of greasy butter infiltrated my every breath. My hair didn't feel so awesome either.
Before returning home, I let Jake play on the playground. There, we met Bossy Brat Child from Hell. She looked no older than 2 years old. But what she lacked in size, she made up for with her sparkling personality. She smacked Jacob and laughed. Then tried to push him down the slide. At one point she ran up to him and reached out to grab his water bottle out of his hands. Jacob held the bottle to his abdomen lay down on the playground bark and doubled over in a move I call the Potato Bug Defense. Brat Child got bored, gave up, and moved on to find another kid to steal from.
When Jake was assured that his water bottle was safe, we took Ryan out of the Baby Bjorn and helped him slide down the baby slide. He seemed unimpressed.....Until....Jacob decided to go with him. Jacob sat down on the slide beside Ryan, grabbed his tiny hand. and down they went. Ryan let out a long string of giggles.
As I was about to pick Ryan up off the slide, he let out a monstrous belch. Without warning, a geyser of spit-up frothed at his mouth before erupting all over the slide. I looked around for something to wipe it up with. I was just about to run for a napkin when, all of a sudden, Brat Child shoved a kid out of her way and toddled towards the slide. Before I could even gather a thought, she slid right down and landed in the puddle of curdled spit-up. She looked down at her pants in disgust.
Oh, Karma! Eventually, every shit-head gets what's coming to her.
So, what exacty did I do to deserve an evening full of buttery smelling hair? And, is that a punishment or a reward?
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
A Mother's Joy & Pain
Some days we take everything for granted. On those days, the little rough patches of our daily routine (having to change the baby AGAIN before you can leave the house or staring your defiant child in the face and scolding him for the third time) take over. They turn our moods sour and bring out our not-so-good sides.
Some days we forget that it is a wonderful gift just to wake up breathing. We forget to rejoice in the fact that the fragile little lives that surround us are still surrounding us.
And other days, it really hits home how lucky we are. We hear about the tragic suffering of others and we are grateful that we do not know such pain. We hope, above all else, that we never do.
On the way to work today, I was listening to the story of a mother who lost her nearly 4 year old son to cancer. Taylor Swift reached out to this mother and together, the two of them wrote a song to commemorate the boy. His name was Ronan. That also happens to be the title of the song.
The radio station I was listening to provided the backdrop of Ronan's story and then played a short little clip of the song. I sat in my car in the offic parking lot as I listened to that clip. One line in and tears were dripping from my face. As I heard Ms. Swift sing this story, I sat alone in my empty car wishing that I could be holding my two babies. I was grateful. But I was also so very scared. What if I ever had to experience loss that great? I just couldn't do it. My stomach knotted up at the thought. I cried for Ronan, a boy I do now know. I cried for his mom. I cried for myself.
Having children is horrifying. Because when you love someone as much as you love your children, when a part of yourself leaves your own body and becomes another, you are so much more vulnerable to loss and grief. With love, the potential for loss multiplies in gut-wrenching fashion.
I wanted to post the lyrics to the song so very badly. But I'm afraid of violating copyright. So, I decided to just quote some of my favorite lines. I recommend you listen to the song yourself. Or rather, I recommend you do NOT listen to the song, unless you want to cry shamelessly. The lyrics aren't award winning. Rather, they are simple, and provide imagery that any mother will immediately understand.
I remember your little laugh
Race cars on the kitchen floor
I remember your blue eyes looking into mine
like we had our own secret club
Some days we forget that it is a wonderful gift just to wake up breathing. We forget to rejoice in the fact that the fragile little lives that surround us are still surrounding us.
And other days, it really hits home how lucky we are. We hear about the tragic suffering of others and we are grateful that we do not know such pain. We hope, above all else, that we never do.
On the way to work today, I was listening to the story of a mother who lost her nearly 4 year old son to cancer. Taylor Swift reached out to this mother and together, the two of them wrote a song to commemorate the boy. His name was Ronan. That also happens to be the title of the song.
The radio station I was listening to provided the backdrop of Ronan's story and then played a short little clip of the song. I sat in my car in the offic parking lot as I listened to that clip. One line in and tears were dripping from my face. As I heard Ms. Swift sing this story, I sat alone in my empty car wishing that I could be holding my two babies. I was grateful. But I was also so very scared. What if I ever had to experience loss that great? I just couldn't do it. My stomach knotted up at the thought. I cried for Ronan, a boy I do now know. I cried for his mom. I cried for myself.
Having children is horrifying. Because when you love someone as much as you love your children, when a part of yourself leaves your own body and becomes another, you are so much more vulnerable to loss and grief. With love, the potential for loss multiplies in gut-wrenching fashion.
I wanted to post the lyrics to the song so very badly. But I'm afraid of violating copyright. So, I decided to just quote some of my favorite lines. I recommend you listen to the song yourself. Or rather, I recommend you do NOT listen to the song, unless you want to cry shamelessly. The lyrics aren't award winning. Rather, they are simple, and provide imagery that any mother will immediately understand.
I remember your bare feet down the hallway
I remember your little laugh
Race cars on the kitchen floor
I remember your blue eyes looking into mine
like we had our own secret club
I remember you dancing before bed time
then jumping on me waking me up
You were my best four years
Sob. Sob. I need another kleenex.
Go. Right now. Go and kiss your babies.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Dirt Won't Hurt
My entire backyard is a sandbox but I couldn't be more thrilled! We are finally taking the first steps in our home remodel. The interior is going to have to wait a leeeetle bit longer. Right now, we're focusing on the backyard.
We live in a cozy (read: tiny) house that was built more than 100 years ago. The floor plan is odd, there is a fold-out ironing board in the kitchen, it has a charming baywindow, a retro built-in in the "dining room," a horror-film-worthy basement, and an unfinished attic. The four of us (and a circus-tent volume of baby items) are currently living in 2 small bedrooms and 1 tiny bathroom, all within the 950 square-foot floor plan. TINY. But it has character!
After we moved in 5 years ago, after being forewarned that a good amount of rain would likely crash the roof in, we wasted no time replacing the roof. This IS Seattle, you know. Can't take any chances. Then we painted over the salmon-pink exterior with a neutral but cheerful light grey. We've almost repainted all the interior walls as well. The booger green in our bedroom is no more, the tooth-stained yellow in Jacob's room is now a pale blue, and MOST importantly, the fake 'n bake orange in the kitchen is now a subdued, pale greyish-green.
In the future, we are going to remodel the front entrance and fix up the attic to provide about 500 more square feet of space (masterbedroom! and second bath! and TV room/office!). But right now? We are turning our red-neck, trailer park backyard into an outdoor sactuary.
So...I'm going to show you some pictures which will probably make you say, "WTF?! Is there an archaeological dig in your backyard? Are you digging up zombie bodies?" Well, all I ask if for a little "vision." Put on your rose-colored glasses and just remember...."baby steps."
Before:
During:
I set the kids free to "help" out. Please notice that Jake is in his underwear.....
Now:
Jacob loves the new sandbox.
Bonus: in addition to heaping piles of buried garbage, my husband found some vintage glass bottles from at lest the 50's. The milk bottle is from an old local creamery from "back in the day." Maybe the others contained Moonshine? It would only be fitting.
We live in a cozy (read: tiny) house that was built more than 100 years ago. The floor plan is odd, there is a fold-out ironing board in the kitchen, it has a charming baywindow, a retro built-in in the "dining room," a horror-film-worthy basement, and an unfinished attic. The four of us (and a circus-tent volume of baby items) are currently living in 2 small bedrooms and 1 tiny bathroom, all within the 950 square-foot floor plan. TINY. But it has character!
After we moved in 5 years ago, after being forewarned that a good amount of rain would likely crash the roof in, we wasted no time replacing the roof. This IS Seattle, you know. Can't take any chances. Then we painted over the salmon-pink exterior with a neutral but cheerful light grey. We've almost repainted all the interior walls as well. The booger green in our bedroom is no more, the tooth-stained yellow in Jacob's room is now a pale blue, and MOST importantly, the fake 'n bake orange in the kitchen is now a subdued, pale greyish-green.
In the future, we are going to remodel the front entrance and fix up the attic to provide about 500 more square feet of space (masterbedroom! and second bath! and TV room/office!). But right now? We are turning our red-neck, trailer park backyard into an outdoor sactuary.
So...I'm going to show you some pictures which will probably make you say, "WTF?! Is there an archaeological dig in your backyard? Are you digging up zombie bodies?" Well, all I ask if for a little "vision." Put on your rose-colored glasses and just remember...."baby steps."
Before:
Very lumpy and uneven
During:
I set the kids free to "help" out. Please notice that Jake is in his underwear.....
Now:
Ok...not SO impressive...yet...
Jacob loves the new sandbox.
Bonus: in addition to heaping piles of buried garbage, my husband found some vintage glass bottles from at lest the 50's. The milk bottle is from an old local creamery from "back in the day." Maybe the others contained Moonshine? It would only be fitting.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
9 Favorite Baby Items
I've had some friends and future/new parents ask me about my favorite baby items. I love comparing notes on baby items with other parents. I discovered that some of the things that I couldn't live without, other parents rarely used, and vice versa.
When it comes down to it, babies really don't need much. Part of me balks at all the commercialization of parenthood. It seems ridiculous right? As if parents are expected to shell out thousands of dollars for their tiny newborns who only really need to eat, sleep, and poop. I mean who REALLY needs a light-up wipe warmer? But when you're a new parent, you don't want to feel like you're not giving your baby the best right from the beginning. Even if you're inclined to not buy all the latest gadgets, there is "product pressure" everywhere!
But the other part of me welcomes products as useful parenting tools. There really is a gadget for everything. Some items truly are innovative and helpful. Why not buy something that will make your life a little easier? Is the commercialization really that bad? Like everything in life, I think there's a middle ground somewhere.
For most items, you probably won't know until you try them whether they will work for you. It's all about personal preference (yours and the baby's). Example: after putting together a fancy baby changing table with changing pad for my first son, we ended up only using it TWICE. It's so much easier for me (easier on my back and easier to maneuver) to change a baby on the floor. Also a parent can spend big bucks for a fancy swing only to discover that her baby HATES swings. You just never know.
That said, beyond the basic baby stuff (bottles, clothing, crib, diapers), these are MY favorite baby items:
(1) Jack 'N Lilly Originals. When it comes to baby shoes, you get what you pay for. I've shelled out the big bucks ($30) for a pair of Robeez and I've also purchased the Target knock-offs on sale. My favorite brand, however, is a brand we received as a gift for Jacob. Jack 'N Lilly are my faves. Sure, babies don't really need shoes. They can't even WALK! But in our house, shoes are the only way to keep socks on vigorous kicking feet. And when your baby starts to toddle around, the soft leather bottoms help your baby learn to balance. Plus, they're sturdy. Jacob used his for months and they are still in good shape for Ryan.
(2) Baby Bjorn. I've tried a couple carriers: the Moby, a baby sling, and the Baby Bjorn. My search for the perfect baby carrier ended at the Baby Bjorn. This thing is simply awesome! When Jacob was a baby, a friend gave us a used one. It was a life saver. When I have to cook or do dishes and the baby is crabby, I just plop him in it and get back to work. I've taken it hiking, to the beach, to county fairs, to museums. The Baby Bjorn is really easy to use, feels very secure, and can be used for babies as small as 8 pounds. In comparison, a baby carrier that is made up of a 30 foot cloth and requires an instruction booklet is not my style. Haven't compared it to the Ergo though I have heard great stuff about the Ergo as well.
Baby can be front or back facing:
(3) Swaddle blankets. Both of my kids absolutely had to be swaddled in order to stay asleep. There is something about being wrapped burrito-style that babies, especially newborns, just love. When Ryan falls asleep, I slip him in the swaddle blanket, secure it with the velcro straps and set him down in his crib. If he isn't swaddled when I set him down, he notices the change in environment and startles himself awake. The swaddle keeps him secure and stimulates the feeling of being held. I've tried swaddling my babies with regular blankets but I'm a crappy burrito wrapper!
(4) JJ Cole Bundle Me. This item keeps babies warm in their carseats. You slip the Bundle Me into the baby carseat carrier and pull the carseat straps through designated holes. It stays there until it gets dirty and needs to be washed. To use it, just put your baby in his carseat, strap him in and zip the soft, fleece layer over the baby. I want one of these for myself!
(5) Infantino Toy. This is absolutely my favorite baby toy. Now that Ryan can sit up, I can plop him on the floor and place this toy between his legs. It entertains him multiple times a day. He's getting so good at batting and grabbing the toys.
(6) Boppy Pillow. I always wanted one of these with my first son, but I never bit the bullet and bought one. I made sure to put it on my baby list for Ryan. This probably is THE MOST used baby item I own. When I was nursing, it was a great support pillow. I still use it when I'm feeding Ryan a bottle. When he was younger, I used to stick Ryan right in the middle and wouldn't have to worry about him rolling out. Now that he sits up, it's the perfectly shape to fit around his waist in case he flops over. The cover is removable for easy washing!
(7) Binky Clip. Both of our babies loves binkies. Binkies have prevented many screaming meltdowns over the years. And binkies nowadays are completely orthodontic and won't ruin a kid's teeth. Our doctor prefers binky-soothing to thumb-sucking, hands down. The only problem with binkies is the fact that they are easily lost. On particularly crabby days, I'd rather lose my CAR than the binky. It's hard to find a good binky clip. The popular style (in stores near us at least) doesn't work very well (unless I'm just stupid and can't use it properly). My favorite has one end that wraps around the front knob of the binky and clips like a paperclip to a shirt, carseat belt, or bib.
(8) Walker. There are so many different kinds of walkers out there. In our house, these is a must have item. A walker not only lets your baby sit up and toddle around on his own, but it can double as a highchair, at least until your little one surpasses the weight requirement. Plus, when the baby is crabby and the 4 year old needs entertaining, I let HIM push the walker around. Two birds....
(9) Running or Regular Stroller. If you're a runner, a running stroller is a must-have, otherwise, get a regular stroller because the front wheel on the running stroller can be annoying. For that reason, I recommend the kind of running stroller with a swiveling front wheel- so much easier! If you plan to have more than one kid, I highly recommend a stroller adapts into a two-seater (usually by sticking an extra seat in the back/bottom of the stroller). We buy this type because we were on a shoe-string budget, and I regret it all the time. My only other advise on strollers is "you get what you pay for." We spent $200 on a stroller system (this means you can buy a carseat that snaps right into it). It was one of the cheaper stroller systems out there. It's held up pretty well but the level of quality is a little disappointing. The button that folds the stroller up tends to stick and is hard to use (my mom has never been able to do it). We've had the same problem with the matching carseat. The buttons that move the carseat handle are really hard to use. So spend the money on a quality stroller!
When it comes down to it, babies really don't need much. Part of me balks at all the commercialization of parenthood. It seems ridiculous right? As if parents are expected to shell out thousands of dollars for their tiny newborns who only really need to eat, sleep, and poop. I mean who REALLY needs a light-up wipe warmer? But when you're a new parent, you don't want to feel like you're not giving your baby the best right from the beginning. Even if you're inclined to not buy all the latest gadgets, there is "product pressure" everywhere!
But the other part of me welcomes products as useful parenting tools. There really is a gadget for everything. Some items truly are innovative and helpful. Why not buy something that will make your life a little easier? Is the commercialization really that bad? Like everything in life, I think there's a middle ground somewhere.
For most items, you probably won't know until you try them whether they will work for you. It's all about personal preference (yours and the baby's). Example: after putting together a fancy baby changing table with changing pad for my first son, we ended up only using it TWICE. It's so much easier for me (easier on my back and easier to maneuver) to change a baby on the floor. Also a parent can spend big bucks for a fancy swing only to discover that her baby HATES swings. You just never know.
That said, beyond the basic baby stuff (bottles, clothing, crib, diapers), these are MY favorite baby items:
(1) Jack 'N Lilly Originals. When it comes to baby shoes, you get what you pay for. I've shelled out the big bucks ($30) for a pair of Robeez and I've also purchased the Target knock-offs on sale. My favorite brand, however, is a brand we received as a gift for Jacob. Jack 'N Lilly are my faves. Sure, babies don't really need shoes. They can't even WALK! But in our house, shoes are the only way to keep socks on vigorous kicking feet. And when your baby starts to toddle around, the soft leather bottoms help your baby learn to balance. Plus, they're sturdy. Jacob used his for months and they are still in good shape for Ryan.
Baby can be front or back facing:
(4) JJ Cole Bundle Me. This item keeps babies warm in their carseats. You slip the Bundle Me into the baby carseat carrier and pull the carseat straps through designated holes. It stays there until it gets dirty and needs to be washed. To use it, just put your baby in his carseat, strap him in and zip the soft, fleece layer over the baby. I want one of these for myself!
(5) Infantino Toy. This is absolutely my favorite baby toy. Now that Ryan can sit up, I can plop him on the floor and place this toy between his legs. It entertains him multiple times a day. He's getting so good at batting and grabbing the toys.
(That's my niece on the left. She and Ryan are gonna be buds!)
(6) Boppy Pillow. I always wanted one of these with my first son, but I never bit the bullet and bought one. I made sure to put it on my baby list for Ryan. This probably is THE MOST used baby item I own. When I was nursing, it was a great support pillow. I still use it when I'm feeding Ryan a bottle. When he was younger, I used to stick Ryan right in the middle and wouldn't have to worry about him rolling out. Now that he sits up, it's the perfectly shape to fit around his waist in case he flops over. The cover is removable for easy washing!
(7) Binky Clip. Both of our babies loves binkies. Binkies have prevented many screaming meltdowns over the years. And binkies nowadays are completely orthodontic and won't ruin a kid's teeth. Our doctor prefers binky-soothing to thumb-sucking, hands down. The only problem with binkies is the fact that they are easily lost. On particularly crabby days, I'd rather lose my CAR than the binky. It's hard to find a good binky clip. The popular style (in stores near us at least) doesn't work very well (unless I'm just stupid and can't use it properly). My favorite has one end that wraps around the front knob of the binky and clips like a paperclip to a shirt, carseat belt, or bib.
(8) Walker. There are so many different kinds of walkers out there. In our house, these is a must have item. A walker not only lets your baby sit up and toddle around on his own, but it can double as a highchair, at least until your little one surpasses the weight requirement. Plus, when the baby is crabby and the 4 year old needs entertaining, I let HIM push the walker around. Two birds....
(9) Running or Regular Stroller. If you're a runner, a running stroller is a must-have, otherwise, get a regular stroller because the front wheel on the running stroller can be annoying. For that reason, I recommend the kind of running stroller with a swiveling front wheel- so much easier! If you plan to have more than one kid, I highly recommend a stroller adapts into a two-seater (usually by sticking an extra seat in the back/bottom of the stroller). We buy this type because we were on a shoe-string budget, and I regret it all the time. My only other advise on strollers is "you get what you pay for." We spent $200 on a stroller system (this means you can buy a carseat that snaps right into it). It was one of the cheaper stroller systems out there. It's held up pretty well but the level of quality is a little disappointing. The button that folds the stroller up tends to stick and is hard to use (my mom has never been able to do it). We've had the same problem with the matching carseat. The buttons that move the carseat handle are really hard to use. So spend the money on a quality stroller!
Baby Labor
Lately, Ryan's been asking us for an allowance. You know, to support his gangster lifestyle:
But it didn't take long to discover that Ryan is just too young to earn his allowance. Despite his best efforts, Ryan wasn't able to clean out the cat box, plunge the toilet, or clear out the gutters. In fact, he was pretty darn useless.
So, desperate, Ryan took his plight to the streets.
First he tried to emphasize his work ethic.
Then he tried pandering to the emotions of his passerbys (turns out we live on a pretty heartless street).
When these attempts failed, he figured he had nothing to lose by sticking with the truth:
I mean, what's the world coming to when a BABY can't even get a bottle....of Jim Bean?!
But it didn't take long to discover that Ryan is just too young to earn his allowance. Despite his best efforts, Ryan wasn't able to clean out the cat box, plunge the toilet, or clear out the gutters. In fact, he was pretty darn useless.
So, desperate, Ryan took his plight to the streets.
First he tried to emphasize his work ethic.
Then he tried pandering to the emotions of his passerbys (turns out we live on a pretty heartless street).
When these attempts failed, he figured he had nothing to lose by sticking with the truth:
I mean, what's the world coming to when a BABY can't even get a bottle....of Jim Bean?!
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Doing It All
I had (mostly) a fun lawyer day today. Earlier this week my boss asked me if I would take two depositions for him. I paused for a reasonable amount of time before calmly responding in the affirmative. At that same moment, somewhere inside me a 12 year old girl was jumping up and down, hands and open-mouth reaching for the heavens, screaming in spastic glee.
I love depositions. I've done enough that they are no longer utterly terrifying but I haven't done so many that they are boring or ordinary. In the one and a half years that I worked at my previous firm, I'd taken 11 depositions. For a baby lawyer, that's a pretty good start but, for anyone else, it's not really that impressive.
I have an unbeatable first deposition story. The day of my first deposition, I was a nervous wreck. I had prepared a 7 page outline for a simple plaintiff deposition. I packed extra outlines, extra copies of every single medical known record, extra pens, and extra business cards. I googled the directions to the plaintiff attorney's firm, arrived 20 minutes early, and took a brisk walk/nervous pace outside the office until show time.
When I walked into the office, which was almost in the middle of nowhere, I was sweating like crazy behind my thin, grey Banana Republic suit. The receptionist led me down a winding corrider until we finally arrived at a small conference room. I walked into the conference room and saw this:
I took the entire deposition just one foot away from this:
In fact, I think his outstreched claws were just inches from the back of my head. Good thing I wasn't inclined to make any sudden movements.
During the middle of the deposition, and right in front of his client, the plaintiff's attorney went on a tirade about how his horrible ex-wife had left him, had stolen his home, and was poisioning his children against him. Sadly, and for some off reason, none of this made it into the official record....After the deposition, the opposing attorney wanted to show me something in his office. I was a little worried and had decided not to actually enter his office alone when I heard a high-pitched "yap" coming from under his desk. He was hoarding a golden lab puppy. Under his desk. What?!
Today's depositions weren't quite as exciting. But they were my first deps in over a year so I was a little (ok, a lot) nervous. As I was driving down a wooded highway toward the destination of the deps, I started to rehearse my questions. All of a sudden, I noticed a cop behind my with his sirens flashing. Crap! I looked at my dash and noticed that I was speeding. I was speeding a lot.
When it comes to being pulled over, I'm quite seasoned. I had gotten so many "warnings" that I was beginning to think that traffic cops in my county were a joke. "I'll probably just get a warning," I thought. I'm cleaned up, wearing a suit, and I look business. When the officer took my papers back to his car and spend the next 7 minutes working on his fancy computer, I knew I wasn't going to be so lucky. $124 later.....
I didn't mind the ticket, I mean, I DID deserve it. But the whole ordeal threw me off and made me even MORE nervous. It also made me late.
The first deposition was rough. I was still obviously flustered and out of practice. On record, I called the deponent by her first name instead of Mrs. ____. I felt really badly about that but when I tried to correct myself, I had forgotten her last name. Not a good start. And my questions didn't come out as smoothly as I had practiced. How come I can give a flawless performance in front of the mirror at home just to flop wildly like a dying fish at the real thing?
My final line of questioning for the first deponent was the important one. Thankfully, I think I nailed it. Then we took a short break before I started deposing the second person. The second dep went pretty well until one point when I asked about an event that had happened long ago. The guy studied me then said sharply, "I can't remember. Frankly, I doubt you were even ALIVE then." Now, overall, this deponent was a very nice guy. He probably hadn't meant his comment to be rude. But the comment made me very mad. It was unprofessional. I know I look young but when I show up to do the job of a lawyer, I expect to be treated like one. Comments about my appearance or age undermine my purpose and suggest that I am not qualified to do my job. That, I take seriously. Fortunately I was able to keep my cool, force a smile, and press on with my questioning. Deep down, however, I felt deflated, angry, and full of self doubt.
At the end of the day, I was glad to have more experiences under my belt. Still, I can't wait for the day when I feel confident enough to not let people shake me down so easily. Being a baby lawyer is exciting but it also sucks in many ways.
When I came home, I got some much needed quality time with my three men. Jacob and I did some puzzles. We took turns trying to make Ryan laugh. I managed to squeeze in a 5 month photo shoot of Ryan for his baby book. Then I tucked my sweet 4 year old into bed, rocked my angel baby to sleep, and watched a feel-good movie with my husband. Ahhh, all in a day's work.
P.S. Last night, when I was trying on my suit for today (thank goodness for a long suit jacket to cover the top of my skirt that I wasn't able to zip all the way- damn you baby fat!), Ryan and I had a little fashion show:
I love depositions. I've done enough that they are no longer utterly terrifying but I haven't done so many that they are boring or ordinary. In the one and a half years that I worked at my previous firm, I'd taken 11 depositions. For a baby lawyer, that's a pretty good start but, for anyone else, it's not really that impressive.
I have an unbeatable first deposition story. The day of my first deposition, I was a nervous wreck. I had prepared a 7 page outline for a simple plaintiff deposition. I packed extra outlines, extra copies of every single medical known record, extra pens, and extra business cards. I googled the directions to the plaintiff attorney's firm, arrived 20 minutes early, and took a brisk walk/nervous pace outside the office until show time.
When I walked into the office, which was almost in the middle of nowhere, I was sweating like crazy behind my thin, grey Banana Republic suit. The receptionist led me down a winding corrider until we finally arrived at a small conference room. I walked into the conference room and saw this:
I took the entire deposition just one foot away from this:
In fact, I think his outstreched claws were just inches from the back of my head. Good thing I wasn't inclined to make any sudden movements.
During the middle of the deposition, and right in front of his client, the plaintiff's attorney went on a tirade about how his horrible ex-wife had left him, had stolen his home, and was poisioning his children against him. Sadly, and for some off reason, none of this made it into the official record....After the deposition, the opposing attorney wanted to show me something in his office. I was a little worried and had decided not to actually enter his office alone when I heard a high-pitched "yap" coming from under his desk. He was hoarding a golden lab puppy. Under his desk. What?!
Today's depositions weren't quite as exciting. But they were my first deps in over a year so I was a little (ok, a lot) nervous. As I was driving down a wooded highway toward the destination of the deps, I started to rehearse my questions. All of a sudden, I noticed a cop behind my with his sirens flashing. Crap! I looked at my dash and noticed that I was speeding. I was speeding a lot.
When it comes to being pulled over, I'm quite seasoned. I had gotten so many "warnings" that I was beginning to think that traffic cops in my county were a joke. "I'll probably just get a warning," I thought. I'm cleaned up, wearing a suit, and I look business. When the officer took my papers back to his car and spend the next 7 minutes working on his fancy computer, I knew I wasn't going to be so lucky. $124 later.....
I didn't mind the ticket, I mean, I DID deserve it. But the whole ordeal threw me off and made me even MORE nervous. It also made me late.
The first deposition was rough. I was still obviously flustered and out of practice. On record, I called the deponent by her first name instead of Mrs. ____. I felt really badly about that but when I tried to correct myself, I had forgotten her last name. Not a good start. And my questions didn't come out as smoothly as I had practiced. How come I can give a flawless performance in front of the mirror at home just to flop wildly like a dying fish at the real thing?
My final line of questioning for the first deponent was the important one. Thankfully, I think I nailed it. Then we took a short break before I started deposing the second person. The second dep went pretty well until one point when I asked about an event that had happened long ago. The guy studied me then said sharply, "I can't remember. Frankly, I doubt you were even ALIVE then." Now, overall, this deponent was a very nice guy. He probably hadn't meant his comment to be rude. But the comment made me very mad. It was unprofessional. I know I look young but when I show up to do the job of a lawyer, I expect to be treated like one. Comments about my appearance or age undermine my purpose and suggest that I am not qualified to do my job. That, I take seriously. Fortunately I was able to keep my cool, force a smile, and press on with my questioning. Deep down, however, I felt deflated, angry, and full of self doubt.
At the end of the day, I was glad to have more experiences under my belt. Still, I can't wait for the day when I feel confident enough to not let people shake me down so easily. Being a baby lawyer is exciting but it also sucks in many ways.
When I came home, I got some much needed quality time with my three men. Jacob and I did some puzzles. We took turns trying to make Ryan laugh. I managed to squeeze in a 5 month photo shoot of Ryan for his baby book. Then I tucked my sweet 4 year old into bed, rocked my angel baby to sleep, and watched a feel-good movie with my husband. Ahhh, all in a day's work.
P.S. Last night, when I was trying on my suit for today (thank goodness for a long suit jacket to cover the top of my skirt that I wasn't able to zip all the way- damn you baby fat!), Ryan and I had a little fashion show:
"Mommy, can I come to your deposition? I'll wear my best tie!"
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