Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Toaster Husband

Sometimes, I don't know why women get married. Most of the things a husband does in a marriage can be accomplished by a toaster.

A toaster would be a great stand-in for a husband in the evening. After work, all I would have to do is plop the toaster in front of my husband's computer. Add a pair of headphones...voila....a husband.

Having a conversation with a toaster is the same as having one with a husband.

"Hey toaster, can you take a break from your computer to tell me how I look in this dress."

"Thought so."

Also, when I have a really bad or interesting day at work, I can come home and tell my toaster. It's basically just like telling a husband. Our conversations involve the same level of empathy and emotional intelligence.

"Toaster, my day was really hard today. The boys screamed the whole way to my mom's. I had this really long meeting and then I had to write a 20 page brief."

"Oh...and I may have scratched your car...just a little."

Raised eyebrows? Is that a hint of emotion?


  1. LOL. My toaster wouldn't even need the headphones. And don't forget that if you want a response, you can stick some toast in it and it will actually react.

  2. Would be hilarious if it weren't so sadly true!

  3. I was rereading some of your recent posts... you've really been on a roll lately, writing amazing (and usually hilarious) posts! Are you upping your blog game and trying to get a book deal?

    This one reminds me of the summer when my best friend lived with us. She had a gap between her lease ending and moving cross-country, so she stayed with us for a month or two. We didn't spend every evening together, but when we did both come home after work, we'd fix dinner together and talk about our days. It was so nice! It was a long time ago now, but I still think of that sometimes.

  4. I think I'm just kind of inspired by life lately. No book deals! I just de-stressed my life and I would like to enjoy it for a while :) Thanks though!