Sunday, August 11, 2013

If A Mommy Checks Her E-mail (& Misc. Weekend Stuff)

If a mommy checks her e-mail, she will see a Facebook notification that it is her friend's birthday. She will log onto Facebook and post a "happy birthday" greeting.

If a mommy sends a Facebook greeting, she will see that her friend shared an uplifting article about parenting. She will click on the link because she is feeling sappy and in the mood to cry over her children's perishing babyhoods.

If a mommy reads a sappy parenting article, (after she cries her eyes out) she will see a link to a curiosity-arousing Buzzfeed article titled, "Everything You Need to Know About Leonardo DiCaprio's Man Bun." She did not know Leo had a Man Bun. But now she cannot resist the urge to know everything about it.

After a mommy soaks in every last word about Leo's Man Bun, the word "bun" will remind her about hamburgers and she will experience a sudden pang of hunger. This will remind her that she needs to plan dinner. The mommy will go to Cooking Light's website hoping to discover a new enticing recipe.

When a mommy surfs for a new dinner recipe, she will become dazzled by all the fancy and mouthwatering pictures of food. This will quickly bring up the less-mouthwatering thought that she should have gone to the gym this morning. In turn, this will remind the mommy that the reason she did not go to the gym was because last time she went to the gym, her big kid forgot his shoes and  had to go barefoot and her toddler threw a tantrum on the floor. (And because the gym sells muffins. What's the point of going to the gym if you will buy and eat a 500 calorie muffin because you lack self control?!)

When the mommy reminisces over her last gym experience with her children, she will remember that she wanted to buy her children a water table for the backyard. She will scour Craigslist for this VEI, "very essential item." 

If the mommy scours Craigslist for the VEI, she will not be able to resist the urge to look for pony adds. Because who DOESN'T want a pony? Seeing all the pretty horses will make the mommy sad that she had to stop taking horseback riding lessons. She will remember that she had to stop taking lessons because they were so expensive. Thinking about expenses will remind the mommy of all the medical bills she still owes from the cesarean birth of her second child.

Oh crap! The mommy will realize that she forgot to pay her medical bills for the month. She will go onto the hospital website and set up the payment.After setting up the hospital payment, the mommy will see a pop-up window telling her that her payment confirmation will be e-mailed. The mommy will check her e-mail to see this confirmation.

If the mommy checks her e-mail, she will see a message from Facebook telling her that someone commented on her latest photo. can guess the rest!

This is precisely why a mommy cannot get any work done on her home computer.

[Insert clever segue way.]

Oh what? That doesn't actually work? Ok, how about this totally un-smooth nonsequitor: who wants to see some more pics of my kids?!

Ryan's absolutely favorite thing in the world is to go "out." When I say the word "out," he grabs his shoes and runs to the door. Yes, yes, just like a dog.

The face that makes me melt

We actually DID buy a water table for the backyard. It was only $1! The mom we bought it from clearly just wanted it OUT OF HER YARD. Ha. Now it's in our yard. And my husband is not to pleased that it is perching on top of his beloved baby grass.

The kids had a squirt gun fight.
Jacob's squirt gun is loaded through a long straw. You are supposed to put the straw in the pool and then you can shoot sn unlimited amount of water at your opponent. Jacob made the gun portable by filling his mouth with water, sticking the straw in his mouth, and using that as his water source. He can now shoot from any location so long as his mouth is full. This made me laugh and laugh!

When Ryan tries to squirt you, he says "shhhhhh" "shhhhhhh!" for "shoot."

The kids also used the table as a watering hole.

"Relax, it's not loaded."

Earlier in the day, all the boys got haircuts!

This was Ryan's second hair cut and he did so incredible! He sat still the entire time (without being bribed by a sucker!) and turned his head as instructed, in every direction. I was one proud mama!

Jacob, of course, is a pro. He didn't even need us there. He followed the stylist to the back row of chairs and told her how to cut his hair (three on the sides and finge rlength on top). When the hairstylist finished cutting Jacob's hair, he asked her to style it in a "mohog." That would be a "mohawk" to the rest of the English-speaking people.


  1. LOVE the "if a mommy checks her e-mail" portion of the post... and Jacob's mohog.

  2. $1??!! So awesome! I know what I'll be checking CL for a bit later...and I'll probably get sucked in just the same way "Mommy" did. Happens every time! Haha