So Many Things...So Little Time!

I worked some crazy-ass hours last week. I worked 50 hours during the week (M-F) and then topped it off with 9 more hours on the weekend. This might be nothing for a law firm attorney. But it's a heck of a lot for THIS government lawyer!

This past week involved so many intense emotions. On one particular day, I was having a fantastic day as a mom and an attorney. I felt transcendentally happy and successful in all aspects of my life. I drove to work with my favorite song blasting on the radio after I had just killed the entire morning with mommy excellence- I made pancakes, from scratch; I dressed all the children; we laughed and joked as we got out the door; there were no tears or tantrums. I sat in my work parking lot waiting for the song to end, rocking out and banging my head against the air. I was, a million times over, a rockstar.

Just a typical crazy morning

The very next day Ryan was a total nightmare, I was exhausted, and Jon was fussy. This was NOT a good combo. I may have thrown a chair against the floor (while the children were all safe in their rooms screaming or crying over something). I was the embodiment of Mommy Hulk. It was not a pleasant thing, for anyone.

This weekend, emotions mostly evened out and we celebrated Ryan's third birthday. I cannot believe this guy is three. He is sweet and hilarious and a demon all at the same time.

Birthday cinnamon rolls

Today Ryan was refusing to share the Icee I bought the boys to share (after our long trip to the park).

Ryan: "I don't want to share!"
Me: "You can share or you can have nothing."
Ryan: "I'll have nothing."
Me: "Fine."
Ryan: "WHERE'S MY NOTHING!"
Me: "You don't get anything. Nothing means you get zero."
Ryan: "I WANT MY ZERO. GIVE ME NOTHING!"

I don't think he quite caught on.

Happy Birthday Ry-Guy

All the kids loved helping Ryan. He loved being the center of attention.

In addition to Ninja Turtle PJs and shoes and a slew of monster trucks, Spongebob was a favorite

Jon had a teeny accident on grandpa

On Sunday we also celebrated Jon's baptism. This happened at 9:30 am and Ry's birthday was at 11:00am. We were a little "scrambly" that morning. Yes, that's a technical term.

All my boys!

Same boys after an hour of sitting not-so-nicely in church

Jon with grandpa and god-father. I love this candid shot!

Jon wasn't so sure about being baptized. Dear God, don't take it personally!

So that's kind of why I've been MIA..... At some point, I may get to posting Easter photos.

Hello, Desk

As mentioned previously, I had to return to work one month earlier than planned in order to keep my health benefits. Today was my first day back. I kept telling everyone, "I'm here so I don't get fined" referencing the now-famous utterance of Seahawk Marshawn Lynch on media day. Yeah, I thought I was clever.

I decided to ease myself back into this whole working thing and just showed up for a half day today. For some reason, my two youngest children decided that the two nights before mommy goes back to work would be a great time to start waking up every hour. Without exaggeration, I can confidently say that I have only slept in 30 minutes intervals the past two nights, and only for a grand total of three hours a night. So today was a little bit brutal.

I was going to bring Jon in and show him off (my boss keeps saying that I can bring him to work with me!), but he caught some terrible bug (Super Bowl hangover perhaps?). So at my mom's suggestion, I took Jake instead.

He had a great time drawing and playing Angry Birds and answering all the calls from opposing counsel:

One of my FB friends pointed out the baby wipes on my desk as a dead give-away that I am a mom. so true! I always keep baby wipes with me. They are amazing.

At one point I left Jacob in my office with instructions to stay there and play Legos while I sat down for a meeting with a Division Chief. Halfway through our meeting, he comes waltzing in with a handful of various snacks and goodies from my coworkers. "Mom, look at this can of ravioli that Mr. Matt gave me! He told me to call him the 'snack man.' And I found this piece of chocolate under a desk." I'm pretty sure he scrounged up all the free snacks in the entire office.

I'm being assigned a bunch of new cases regarding civil litigation defense and I am so so excited to get my hands on them. I LOVE analyzing case law, investigating the gambit of relevant facts, preparing liability assessments, strategizing plans for litigation, and drafting motions to carry out those plans. I feel like this is where I really shine. And it's my favorite thing in the world. Sometimes I feel so lucky that I have a job where I get paid to do stuff that I legitimately love. Not all tasks and projects are fun. But overall, I really love this little area of the law.

I only worked for half of a day but it was just the right amount for my first day back. I need to get used to sitting in front of a computer all day and focusing on just mental tasks. And dang, I'm really going to miss my indulgent daytime television (The Chew, The Talk, Let's Make A Deal, and the Ellen Show). But it's nice to join the land of the working. I get to sit down and actually enjoy a cup of tea. I get to eat lunch with BOTH hands. I get to have a conversion that is not broken off by a screaming baby. I don't have to share my snacks with little urchins. And I get to use my lawyer brain (you know, the one that cost me about half a mortgage).

Also, with my new permanent position, came this bright, shiny badge.

Seriously, this badge takes the cake! I didn't know lawyers got badges! If I had known this, I would have grumbled a lot less during law school (maybe?).

Returning home from work was amazing. I snuggled my poor, sick baby all evening and we somehow managed a 1.5 hour nap together without the big kids destroying too much of anything.

During my maternity leave, I couldn't wait to sneak out of the house. I was totally drained. So many diapers. So many tantrums. So many fussy, non-sleeping people. I was deep in the trenches and it felt like they would never end but just grow deeper and deeper. Being away for part of the day makes a huge difference. It really lets me see everything in the appropriate perspective. It lets me appreciate how short and fleeting the time with my babies is. I come home refreshed and ready to tackle the mommy parts of my day. I have so much more patience. I appreciate the shorter time I have with them. There is so much less yelling. As much as I love my children, nothing makes me a better mommy than going back to work. And I'll stand by this statement to my grave!

After the kids got ready for bed, we all sat at the table and played a game of chess. I can't even remember the last time I had the energy or the will to sit down and play a game with my kids:

Ryan and Mommy versus Jacob

So goodbye sweet-last-but-also-kinda-disappointing maternity leave and hello the rest of my career.

One Day Down!

I wish, wish, wish I could talk about my trial. I just finished day one and it has been an incredible, informative, amazing, and challenging experience.

30 weeks. A ridiculous sight:

Coming home and taking off my tights and my suit was the most amazing feeling EVER. Now, after a ten hour day, I get to unwind and do nothing trial related for an hour before I have to dive back into preparing for tomorrow. I forgot how much work this is! My brain feels like a large puddle of goo from all the thinking and strategizing and analyzing it has done all day. It's true what they say: your brain is a muscle! Wait, do people say that?

And now I must don a cloak of silence and not talk about my exciting trial adventures. But take note, they are VERY EXCITING!

A Kids-Chores-Work Omelette

After today, I seriously need a weekend from my weekend.

This morning Jacob asked if we could go to our favorite breakfast place, The Pancake House. My husband wasn't interested but when I realized I wouldn't have much quality time with the boys this week (trial!), I decided it might be a good idea. So I took the boys on a mommy-son breakfast date.

We colored the kid's menu. We played tic-tac-toe. I coaxed Ryan off the floor five times. I stopped Jacob from drinking approximately 15 half-n-half shots. I picked up a pancake that Ryan threw into the booth next door. I mediated about a dozen fights, one involving Ryan shooting a rubber band in Jacob's face (no idea where that came from). I finished a cup of coffee, picked all the berries off the kids' face pancakes (seriously? the berries are the best part!). So...overall, it was a successful (although not relaxing, by any means) breakfast.

After breakfast we went to Target for Jacob's first back-to-school shopping experience. And my first one in probably 10 years. There is nothing more excited or elating than brand new school supplies! Ahh, the memories! I splurged a little and let Jacob pick out a new Ninja Turtle backpack and matching lunchbox. Then I was a softy and, after several puppy-dog-eyed-glances and sad pace pouts, let Ryan have a Ninja Turtle lunchbox as well. It was a fun experience...until we got to the checkout and I saw the price tag for everything...YIKES. I did also buy groceries and clothes for both kids (including Jacob's uniform outfits), so I guess I didn't make out too badly.

We got home at noon and the rest of the day was a huge whirlwind of chores. I sterilized and scrubbed the boys' mattresses (they smelled like pee- ew!), washed all their bedding and dirty clothes and ended up doing four loads of laundry in total. I haven't even done MY laundry yet, ugh.

Then I logged into my computer and hammered out two hours of work. Not uninterrupted, of course. I finished a motion for directed verdict (yay, trial!) while mediating several fights over toys, issuing time-out warrants, preparing lunches and snacks, switching my four loads of laundry from the washer to the drier, and cleaning up after the kids.

Then I got to put away all the laundry and make all the beds and tidy all the rooms and direct the kids in the cleaning of ALL THE TOYS (no small feat). Then prepare dinner (during which I spilled boiling butter all over my belly and nearly melted into a puddle on the kitchen floor). Then serve dinner. Then clean the dishes. My stretching abdomen muscles started acting up during all of this so while I was working I was holding my belly up and wincing in pain. I feel like such a wuss, but simple every day tasks (anything that involved bending over) take so much effort when you are 30 weeks pregnant.

The boys playing "dress up"

Now, we're getting the kids ready for bed and I'm hoping to rest for a minute or two before I have to hit the computer again.

In other news, tomorrow is the first day of a big civil employment law trial that I am co-chairing. The trial is in federal court and I'm both thrilled beyond measure and dying from anxiety at the same time. We had a pre-trial conference last week and just sitting in the big fancy, marble courtroom in front of a Ninth Circuit judge started to make me feel giddy. I've been tasked with voir dire tomorrow and after that, I won't have much of a role (other than jotting and passing notes) until Wednesday and Thursday when I'll be examining my five witnesses.

Holy moley, I'm so excited. I still can't believe my boss and colleagues have entrusted me with such big tasks for this trial. In my experience in private practice, most associates don't get much trial experience because the partners like to take all the fun and glory. So the fact that I'm a fourth year (and just a temporary employee at that!) who is co-chairing a big deal trial in federal court means a whole lot to me and I totally appreciate the opportunity that my bosses are giving me. I just hope I don't royally screw up and lose the case for us- which is actually a possibility if I bomb my witness examinations! YIKES!

I can't wait until next week, when my part of the trial is over and I can coast through, not just the rest of the trial but the rest of my work assignments until baby gets here. It will be SUCH a relief and I'll be able to really enjoy the rest of the summer, stress free. Well, until the next big case comes along. Hopefully when that happens, I will be a permanent employee (fingers crossed!).

I've helped prepare for several trials in my short legal career. I've just never been that involved in the actual trial part (except for a minor role examining one witness in a small personal injury case). This whole process has really solidified my passion for litigation. I'm actually worried that when the trial is over, I'll experience a huge letdown and become really bored with my day to day legal work. I love the rush and strategy of litigation. When I applied to lawschool I NEVER imagined in a million years that I'd be a trial attorney (much less enjoying being a trial attorney), I can seriously see (after more experience) myself doing just trials and trial consulting for the rest of my professional career.

No Time For Talky

Holy Mackerel! (I love that saying only because my dad says it all the time so it has started to infiltrate into my own conversations with myself prompting amusing imagery of my dad).

I am insanely busy at work. And then on top of work, there's the kids, and trips to the park, and running, and our primary family car breaking down an hour from home, and a broken kitchen sink which resulted in leaking all over our basement and total replacement of all the pipes (yay for husband and father-in-law who did all the work).

We are also preparing for a road trip to attend a family reunion. I get the feeling I'll be packing one hour before take off.

I guess I have to go now. I have to be up in five hours. Seriously, who even has time to be pregnant? (I haven't remembered to take a prenatal vitamin since I was 10 weeks along...oops).

Trial, Trial Everywhere

I'm up to my elbow in trials. And I love every bit of it. The actual trial part is not necessarily my favorite but preparing and strategizing for trial, is essentially like my version of snorting coke off Ryan Reynolds abs in a tropical paradise while swimming in a pool of margarita - don't forget the salt-rimmed pool edges and a sun that doesn't burn skin but only turns it the perfect shade of toast (not that I would know what ANY of that was like).

My criminal trial (the one that I'm helping on in order to get more trial experience) keeps getting continued. At first, I was so thankful for each continuance but now I'm just annoyed. I want to put it behind me. My mentor had me practice my opening statement (which nervously spent way too much time writing) in a real courtroom to a jury box full of experienced criminal lawyers. Talk about nerve-wracking!

I got mostly good feedback but I'm told I need more passion. It's just.... I find it so hard to get passionate about criminal law. How can I act indignant go all wrath-of-God on the defendant just like the TV attorneys when prosecuting a misdemeanor? In my opening, while paraphrasing what one person said, my mentor wants me to say, "f*ck you" right to the jury's faces. I've never said the f-word in open court before. That should be interesting, especially since I will be like seven months pregnant. And surprisingly, it takes much more practice than you would think. You know, I can't sound TOO comfortable doing it-- the jury will think I have a sailor's mouth.

Earlier this year, I got pulled into assisting on a major employment lawsuit. Dispositive motions have been filed. Settlement attempts have been made. It looks like we are really going to trial. My boss has asked me to help with the trial and casually (almost a little too-casually), she assigned me four witnesses to examine on the stand.

What's awesome about where I work is that people assume you can do your job and leave you to do it. They don't micromanage. They don't hold your hand. They don't nervously check over your shoulder. They delegate and then move on. It's like, "here, write this appellate brief and file it, I don't need to review it." Or, "draft this letter on behalf of such-and-such elected official." Or, "cross examine these witnesses at trial." It's so very awesome in such a very scary way.

It's a huge wake-up call to realize that most attorneys in this world are not experts. They are all learning as they go, just like me. I have just as good of a chance of succeeding on a project as they do. If I didn't jump in and craft something together by the seat of my pants, another attorney (even one more experienced) would probably do just that. So wait? There is no magic milestone in your legal career where you suddenly know how to do everything? Yikes.

But, like I said, litigation is my passion. And I'm so happy to have civil trials to work on. When I interviewed for my job, it was described to me as mostly contracts and public record disclosures. And truly, when I first started, I did a good deal of "general counsel" work. It was interesting. But it just wasn't litigation. I missed the drama, the slowly unfolding stories revealed during discovery, I missed being 100% involved in a case that progressed for nearly a year, with new twists and turns at every corner before the entire thing culminated in one climactic production (whether trial, or mediation, or arbitration, or dispositive motion, or settlement discussions).

Luckily, I had the opportunity to show my coworkers that my true legal skills lie in brief writing and civil motions/strategy. And ever since then, I've been sought after to help in all kinds of litigation projects. Right now, I'm in a perfect spot. I have no actual clients of my own. I'm just some kind of in house litigation consultant/contractor who gets asked to chime in and help almost exclusively on all things litigation.

As a result, in the past nine months, I've written three appellate briefs, countless dispositive motions, numerous memos on a vast range of legal topics, and have assisted in the trial preparation of two civil litigation cases. All without having to stress over managing my own caseload. It's perfect. Of course, this is only temporary. Either they will let me go when they don't need me anymore or they will hire me on permanently and load me up with my own clients. So for now, I'm soaking in my margarita pool and enjoying every single day, while also looking forward immensely to my imminent maternity leave...hurry up and get here already!

Heart Attack Ensues (Part 2 of My First Trial)

I met with my trial mentor a second time. This time, I was more emotionally prepared. And he seemed much less intimidating. I really hope no one mentioned that he scared the crap out of me last time. That would be slightly embarrassing.

We talked about the case and divvied up the work. He asked me what parts of the trial I wanted to do. The honest-to-goodness truth was that I wanted to do none of it. Just the thought of having to perform in front of a jury under another attorney's watchful eye makes me want to melt into a puddle and disappear from earth's surface. I really wanted to run away. This whole thing is so far beyond my comfort zone. Why is my profession so damn scary?!

Against my deepest wishes, I'm doing the opening statement and the first closing statement. I've been instructed to prepare my opening statement so that I can practice in front of my mentor. Ok, except...hello! I don't know what an opening statement is! I've never even seen one (except for TV). I'm told I need a good hook to keep the jury interested. Ugh. Is it too late to go to art school?

I'm also direct examining three witnesses and cross examining one defense witness. I'm less worried about these tasks. I've examined witnesses on the stand before. I'm not familiar with it but I know I can do it when I have to.

Today, we were scheduled to meet with several witness. These are witnesses we will be calling. They also happen to be police officers. And I've decided that I could never make it as a criminal attorney. See, I have this thing for police officers. Much like a suit is to most people, a police uniform is to me. Put any man in a police uniform and he instantly gains ten points on the attractiveness scale. It must have something to do with having physical power, authority, and the duty to uphold the law.......I'm stopping now before I travel beyond a PG rating.

I was totally not stressed about this meeting. I've never been in a prosecutorial interview before but my mentor would be there to take the lead. I planned to ride shotgun and take really good notes. AND THEN a (metaphorical) peanut butter and jelly sandwich hit my face. As soon as I got to the office, I received a phone call from a pleasant lady telling me that my mentor would be running late and that I was to start without him and he would join at the very end. "Ok," I managed to squeak out in a terrified voice.

I gave myself a huge prep talk. "You can do this! You're an attorney! You're important! You're smart! You can ask a few simple questions." I spent an hour preparing for the meeting by reading every single document related to the case. I took two pages worth of barely adequate notes on what I should ask. I was appalled to know that I didn't even know the basics. Do I interview them all at once or separately? What does a prosecutor call a police officer? Do I record the interview? Do I reveal facts that are non-related to their testimony?

I arrived at the conference room ten minutes early and just sat at the desk looking into space. My mind wondered from "What the hell am I doing?" to "It's just an informal interview, no biggie." Looking back, I'm pretty sure I over-reacted to the entire thing. I mean it WAS just an interview. But it doesn't take much to get me out of my comfort zone (said the homebody introvert who prefers the selfservice check-out line because she doesn't have to tell a checker how her day is going).

I sat there at that conference table having a mini heart attack and bracing for what I was sure was going to be an awkward meeting. I checked my phone nervously about 30 times in 15 minutes. I watched the wall clock tick towards my impending torture session. I put on a smile. A big smile. This is what I do when I'm nervous. When your nerves fail, smile at people and they may just take pity on you.

But no one showed. Ten minutes passed. Then fifteen. Every time I heard footsteps my heart quickened. But the footsteps always kept walking right on by. Then twenty minutes passed. Suddenly a frame graced the doorway. This is it, showtime! I braced myself.

But who was it? None other than my mentor. I was SO happy to see him that I could have attacked him with a giant hug (probably best I didn't since this is an assault case). He saved me! I invisibly let out a giant sigh. All the tension flowed from my body. Right at that moment, I was the happiest human on earth. I was happier than a catch-and-release halibut, bracing for death only to feel the cool, familiar water splash against its scales.

Finally, the law enforcement witnesses arrived. And it went so smoothly. Very smoothly (except for the occasional drop of drool that escaped my mouth). And it was fun. And I learned a lot. And that was the meanest joke anyone had ever unintentionally played on me.

Playing Catch-up: Trips, Birthdays, and Easter!

I seriously can't believe I haven't posted in 11 days. What the heck? I've been so incredibly busy though, so I guess it is possible.

First things first. We finally announced baby no. 3!

 

This picture is from 12 weeks. I am currently 13 weeks (and bigger!)

 

 

Last weekend we had Ryan's second birthday party. My son loves Elmo. So did his big brother at his age. I'm sorry, but Elmo makes me want to puke into my own hands. The high-pitched voice, the way he talks in the third person, and the fact that he's a furry puppet. Ew. But I gave in and let Ryan have an Elmo party anyway. This doesn't mean that I was happy about it!

I kept things simple and mostly store-bought. I've found that the key to a no-stress but put-together party is to run to Party City one to two nights before, buy mostly store bought things, then add a couple homemade touches. Easy, peasy, pretty, done! I added a couple simple games (throw Oscar's trash in the trash can, pin the nose on Elmo-- wish I could pin a scorpion onto his face--, and a birthday-egg hunt.)

My sister-in-law made these mind-blowing cupcakes. She's amazing.

The kids had a blast!

On Wednesday morning, I left for a three day lawyer conference hosted by an organization of prosecuting attorneys. I loved being surrounded by attorneys who do the same things I do. I loved learning about nerdy lawyer things. I loved feeling like I was back in school (but allowed to skip any lecture I pleased). I loved my per diem- yay, I can eat Skittles for dinner, for free! I loved not cooking for three days. I loved having a hotel room ALL TO MYSELF (serious, is there anything better in the entire world?). And I loved flying in this cute Dash-8 Q400....

In a moment of weakness, in which I allowed my pride of being part of this wonderful group of attorneys to take over my sense, I purchases an over-priced hideous fleece vest on which is branded in large, hideous gold thread the logo of the local association of prosecuting attorneys. But, hideousness aside, I know for a fact that I am going to wear it proudly in the aisles of Costco. I'm such a nerd.

In between CLE courses and meals and runs (yay for hotel gyms that are open 24-7!), a coworker and my boss and I slaved away at a reply brief for an important motion. It was a little stressful but we got it done just in time.

I came home to some pretty adorable, but cranky, kids on Friday night. I think they missed me but (I feel horrible saying this), I think I needed one more day away to really miss THEM. But I enjoyed their hugs and kisses tremendously nonetheless.

Saturday morning, we found out that due to a sudden sickness in the family, I would be in charge of making Easter dinner. Yikes! So, after our routine family trip to the gym (my husband and I work out, the kids play), we made a couple stops for groceries and last minute Easter items. Saturday evening was not my most favorite. I cooked from 5pm through 11pm making ham, mashed potatoes, two macaroni salads, and three carrot cake bars with cream cheese frosting. Our kitchen is pretty big but our counter space is like the counter space of an airplane bathroom. I can pretty much only cook one thing at a time. And I'm pretty sure I did five loads of hand-washed dishes (no dishwasher!). Somewhere in here, we feed the kids, put them to bed, and played Easter bunny. I collapsed into bed at 11:00pm with aching legs and a sore back! Death by cooking!

Oh yeah, we also decorated eggs somewhere in all the madness.

Jacob woke up before Ryan this morning and found ALL the carefully hidden eggs in the house while the rest of us were sleeping. I was so angry when I discovered this! Especially because I went through a lot of trouble to select perfect hiding spots. In a groggy state, I ordered that he re-hide all the eggs and stumbled back to bed for 30 more minutes before Ryan crawled in with me and the stench of his diaper haunted my nose. I was so tired that I actually spent 15 minutes trying to adjust the position of my face/nose to escape the smell. That didn't work.

So Ryan and I crawled out of bed, reluctantly, and went out to the living room. When I approached I saw that Jacob had followed my directions and had re-hidden the eggs. Except he put them all in three straight lines, one by the couch, one in the kitchen, and one by the TV. Hopefully next year's egg hunt will be a little more challenging for Ryan.

Somehow we made it to Easter Mass. Then we drove out to my grandma's for Easter lunch and more egg hunts.

Then we drove an hour further to my in-laws' house for Easter dinner. The kids got motorcycle rides from their grandpa. This was definitely the highlight. Ryan cried for ten minutes after his multiple turns were done and it was time to go inside for lollipops.

Now I'm desperately trying to sneak in two loads of laundry before bedtime and kind of dreading the return to the office. It's hard to go back when you've been gone for so many days in a row! But I know an opponent's motion briefing will be waiting me and I can't wait to read it and tear their arguments to shreds in a reply!

The Wrong Side Of The Mountain (Part 1 of My First Trial)

For a week I have been hearing all about him. "You will love working with him." "He is the best trial attorney in this state." "He is so much fun!" "The guy's a genius."

When I finally show up at the front desk, the receptionist calls him. She announces my presence and, after hanging up, she directs me to sit. I sit and try so hard to will the worries and nerves from my body. I feel sharply dressed for casual Friday in my dark denim jeans, soft pale pink blouse, and smart black blazer. I feel a strong need to make a great first impression, but somehow I suspect I'm being frivolous and my wardrobe choice will go un-noticed.

He opens the door. I do not see the tall, slim frame that I had expected, that I had imagined. His face is not friendly, his eyes are not shining with charm. He asks how he can help me. He does not recognize my name. I finally explain, "my boss said you were willing to train me and give me some trial experience." Finally, it seems to click in his mind, unapologetically he tells me he is not good with names and summons me to follow him.

We walk down cavernous halls, turning left, then right, then left, left again. I'm already lost. He waves me into his office. It is small, crammed with books and file cabinets. He instructs me to have a seat pointing to a large, overstuffed leather chair in the corner. It's the only thing indulgent about his office. As I glide onto the cool leather, I imagine that many witnesses, perhaps even victims, have sat here before me.

"Why are you here?" He begins.

I don't quite understand. My boss sent a detailed email, on which I was cc'ed, explaining how she would love if he could help me get more trial experience. I wonder if he is looking for a literal answer or if he is simply probing me.

As I attempt to explain, my voice trails off, as if his very presence and steady gaze were squeezing the air from my throat.

"Tell me about yourself." His next question is not much easier. I begin to feel like this is an interview. That I have to prove myself. That I am not worthy to train with the best. No doubt, he probably has a million cases to get to. I feel like a beggar. A pesky fly. I am probably more trouble to him than it is worth.

I hate this question. How do you sum up 29 years of life experience, hopes and fears, successes and failures, passions and personality in response to one simple question. I begin to anger, which thankfully does not show behind my nervousness. It's all I can do to keep my hands from shaking, my eyes from narrowing in terror. Instinctively I want to run my hands through my parted hair. I resist the urge.

Getting to know someone should be a collaborative effort. He is taking the easy path and putting all the burden on me. I did not prepare for an interview. I remember my boss assuring me that I will have a lot of fun working for him. I feel like I met the wrong person.

I provide a clumsy and inadequate answer to his question. He asks several follow up questions. Such as "What did you do at X firm." When I tell him I did tort litigation, he quips, "and what does that mean?" Is he treating me like a witness on the stand? I already feel like I have failed.

He gives me a spiel about trying cases. How you have to put on a show. Be deliberate about everything you do. Create a personality that will keep the jury entertained while also making them think that you are the most prepared person in the room. Exude confidence. Be forceful. That is not what I do, clearly I have already shown him this flaw of mine in our brief 5 minute meeting.

He hands me a trial notebook. "This is what a trial notebook looks like. You have to have all the information at your fingertips. You never know what will come up. You never know what the judge will ask you. You have to plan in advance how you will get all your evidence before the jury. Know the evidence rules." With that, he hands me a gigantic evidence rule book. I decide not to tell him that Evidence was my lowest grade in law school. To mask my terror, I just smile.

"Be careful about smiling in court." He continues. "You don't want the jury to think you are flirting with them. Women who are friendly in court often have a hard time reaching women jurors."

I let me smile collapse on itself.

Next he hands me a case file. "Here is your case. Trial is set for the beginning of next month. Create a trial notebook like the one I showed you. Then come back and we will practice."

Is it too late to back out? I can't try a case. I know NOTHING about criminal law. I am a civil litigator. (And I mean litigator in a loose sense: drafting pleadings, issuing discovery, and the occasional discovery motion in front of a judge.)We finish our session.

"It was nice to meet you," I say, trying to be pleasant. I'm determined to win this man over. I'm determined, despite my deeply-rooted terror, to succeed.

"You don't know that just yet," he responds quickly and waves me out of his office. He shuts the door. I'm alone in the cavernous, maze-like hall. My arms, now loaded full of cases and books. I relax and my body starts to shake intensely, so fiercely like a mad dog finally let loose from a cage. I take a wrong turn. I wander the hall, searching for an exit sign. "He could have at least shown me out!" I'm angry but mostly at myself. Why can't I be more easy going and confident. Why can't I at least fake it? I better learn before my trial.

My mind trips on those words. "My trial." Even though I'm out of that room, I'm not safe. I realize that I'm going to have to come back here, to this uncomfortable and unknown place to do something uncomfortable and unknown. As I walk farther and farther into the labyrinth, I feel lost in more sense than one. I want to cry. I want to go home. I want to not have to think about trials. Or court. Or jurors. Or my shortcomings. Shyness has always been a disability for me. It's limitations and burdens never felt so staggering as they did in that hallways.

Somehow I make it out. I find a glimmer of outdoor light around a corner. I then turn to find a door. I step out and sigh. The air is fresh. In typical Pacific Northwest fashion, it smells slightly of rain, sweet but heavy in the air, and the start of budding leaves. I know I face a mountain. But I've faced many before. LSAT tests. Oral arguments in legal writing class. Taking my first deposition. Arguing my first summary judgment motion (just last year). I stumbled through all those things. But I survived. And I came out the other side a little stronger, a little tougher, and a little more experienced.

I know it will be painful. And hard. And scary. But I have hope knowing that with the passage of time,  four short weeks actually, I will be on the other side of this mountain. I will still be standing. And I will be relieved.

Insane

Insane. What's up with that word anyway? If you're insane, you're not in-sanity. You're out of sanity. Sans sanity. Un-sane. (This is what happens when I'm intellectually exhausted, I fight the dictionary.)

So, work. Wow. Remember that time just a couple weeks ago when things were really slow and I was starting to get bored? Me neither. Seems like forever ago. Last week, the head of our division asked me to assist in one of her employment litigation cases. I've developed kind of a reputation for being a "firecracker" at litigation. Which is just the fancy/nice way of saying "the sucker you can pawn all your motions onto at the last minute." But I don't mind. I love litigation. With a passion. People think that's weird. I just explain that litigation is the perfect channel for my passive aggressive competitiveness. I get to attack people. With words! It's pretty much amazing.

So last Wednesday, my boss asked me to help her with her case (which is in federal court- I love federal court). We needed to file two important discovery motions....the next day. I put everything aside and dived right into this case I knew nothing about in a topic (employment) that I also knew nothing about. I cranked out the motion, just barely in time to meet the filing deadline.

When it was time to submit the motion, I was surprised to discover that there was no process for reviewal/approval (maybe because the boss was really busy). There was no one waiting anxiously to approve my motion for filing and leave bright, red pen marks in the margins. That is definitely going to take some getting used to. These people really trust me to file whatever the heck I want? That's so foreign to me. As I uploaded the motion onto the court system for filing, I was nervous as hell that I had forgotten something really important. Turns out I did: proofread. Ooops. I hope my boss never has enough free time that she wants to read my motion just for the heck of it.

Earlier this week, I helped file another motion. And then yesterday, I was asked to write another discovery motion which, like last week's motion, was due the next day (today). This motion nearly killed me. I didn't know about the motion until the early afternoon. I spent the rest of the day yesterday and a good portion of my night trying to learn the facts, learn the law, and begin crafting and outlining the arguments. I then spent all of today hunched over my computer furiously typing away (and deleting and re-typing and re-deleting).

My look of intense concentration did not prevent another attorney from stopping in for a quick chat. He stopped by just to tell me that he was super swamped and didn't have time to discuss a project with me. He then launched into a soliloquy of the history of workers compensation (totally unrelated to our project), every single fact in existence about this particular project, and a summary of the law regarding bankruptcy (which he knew I knew because I wrote the freaking memo for him!). I was pretty much verbally trapped in my office and he continued to talk me to as he followed me to the kitchen, to the water cooler, to the filing cabinet and even to the entrance of the women's restroom. 40 minutes later....I was a free woman. (Saved by the pee).

When I returned to my office to finish the motion, I heard the sound of a small dog running down the hall past my office. As he ran he emitted obnoxious high-pitched barks which echoed down the hall and pierced through every wall. Then the dog scurried into the office next to mine where he remained and continued barking for the next two hours. I know a lot of people like dogs. I am NOT one of them. I am totally the WRONG person to share an office wall with if you like to bring your dog to the office (apparently that's even allowed?). Oh man. I was pissed. As I typed frantically on my keyboard and tried to concentrate I plotted at least five different ways deaths for that stupid yappy dog.

Aside from the dog, the pressure of the 5 o'clock filing deadline was my enemy all day. I searched frantically for supporting case law and key facts to support my motion all while fighting against the clock. When it all came together literally in the last 15 minutes, I let out a HUGE sigh of relief, filed the motion, and sat back in my chair.

I was mentally exhausted. My eyes hurt from staring at the computer. My head hurt from thinking. My back hurt from being hunched over my computer. I skipped lunch, hadn't checked my e-mails, and didn't even gulp down my daily Diet Dr. Pepper (which may also have contributed to the headache). But as I slunk back in my chair, relaxed, relieved and exhausted, I was extremely happy. I really missed writing motions and strategizing discovery issues on a daily basis. I had even missed the rush of filing deadlines.

Just as I was thinking about how sad I was to be done with these motions, another attorney entered my office. "Can you help me with a motion next week?" Despite working nonstop for the past 19 waking hours on this last motion, I smiled, nodded, and eagerly agreed.

I love my job. I love it so much, that I can probably tolerate yappy dogs for a little while longer.

Life At Work

This may sound strange but I am so, so, so happy that winter vacations are over. To my surprise, three of the attorneys in my office took 3 week-long vacations over Christmas (note for file: government attorneys have no problem using vacation time!). Others took 2 and 1 week-long vacations. Me, being the newbie, was appointed to be one of the two attorneys on call during this time period.

Because I'm just a temporary employee, I don't have any of my own clients yet. So, before everyone left, I made sure to amass as many assignments and projects as possible. You have a research project for me? Yes, please! Although I had plenty to do, my days were slow and kind of boring. Eight hours a day, it was just me and my computer, and nothing to break the monotony. No meetings, no urgent requests, no e-mails or phone calls to respond to. Blah. There were some days when I barely had any human interaction (there was barely anyone in our office!) A couple of times I sat at my desk and thought, "maybe this dream job isn't so dreamy after all." I fell into my normal temptation to browse job postings (I've had four jobs in four years, apparently, I'm trigger happy when it comes to moving on).

When January rolled around and people returned, I did a little happy dance. New assignments flooded in and my calendar became full of meetings once again. Most of all, there were PEOPLE to talk to! These simple things have made my work day so much better. I've been asked to assist on some projects (developing policies and procedures for the oversight of essential executive government functions) which will give me a little more exposure with the people who will decide whether I can stay for the long term.

My pride and joy is still the work that I get to do on defending tort litigation. I have to admit, when a week or two goes by without any litigation work, I really start to miss insurance defense. Luckily for me, I have already been tasked to write two dispositive motions this month, both involving creative legal arguments based upon interesting areas of state case law. I'm trying to savor these tasks as much as possible knowing that I may not get to draft another motion for months (sadness!).

Overall, I am still so very happy to be working for local government. Just when I think the honeymoon period of this new job has run its course, I fall in love all over again. It's been such a learning curve to try to figure out exactly what the lawyers in my department do, but it's been an enjoyable introductory period full of challenges and surprises and successes. Every morning I wonder what interesting new projects I will be given next. The real excitement will come when I am assigned my very own clients. The only frustrating part has been living in limbo as to whether or not I will get a permanent position. But so far this hasn't been too stressful and I'm able to just take it day by day.

The Coworker And Reflections On Lawyering

Everyone should have at least one coworker like The Coworker. He says the oddest, most hilariously uncomfortable, and off-the-wall things. Whenever he speaks, I want to both laugh really hard and sink into my seat under the heavy blanket of embarrassment that he SHOULD but is incapable of feeling. Yesterday, he told his legal assistant to clean the sparkles off her desk because that is where he snorts cocaine after work.

Today we exchanged secret Santa gifts. Our boss was The Coworker's secret Santa and gave him a nice pair of slippers. When he opened them he said, "Wow, someone really knows what I like...before bed." The entire office was howling.

This guy is the same guy who offered to marry me and have my babies after I completed a project for him. Writers for The Office couldn't invent a character like him if they tried. Although he would make a perfect accompaniment to Michael Scott.

He's one of the two people in the office that gives me assignments to complete. I often worry that I'm not getting enough exposure by only working closely with two attorneys. I am still just a temporary employee and my guaranteed six months of work is nearing its end. But these two attorneys keep me pretty busy and they are very happy with my work. I decided that it's much easier to convince two people that I am intelligent than it is to convince an entire office. So, I'll just mark that down as a good thing and hope that due to their seniority, they will be able to convince the management to keep me.

The other day, one attorney spent an hour and a half going over a new assignment with me. At the end he said, "Oh never mind, I'll just do it myself. It's too complicated." I'll admit, it WAS complicated. It was an issue involving a tax lien in a bankruptcy proceeding. And what I knew about bankruptcy could be inscribed by pen onto a single acorn. But I was really bummed that I had just invested 1.5 hours listening to a lecture for no good reason and I was kind of looking forward to the challenge. Then, at the very last minute, the attorney changed his mind. Looking very skeptical, he said, "Go ahead and give it a try. After you get a start, I'll help you complete it."

Aside from my litigation assignments, every project I have been given has absolutely terrified me. I have ZERO background knowledge in any of this government stuff. The big projects I have been given so far have involved, taxing districts, federal HIPAA laws, amending ordinances, and advising law enforcement. In car collision litigation, it's a big deal when you make a mistake. Not only do you let your client down, but you can really impact your client's financial situation. However, this is nothing compared to giving advise to a local government. When the government screws up, it's kind of a big deal.

The projects I have been assigned have been equal parts intense and unfamiliar. These assignments cause my mind to seize with fear every time I am left alone to sit at a computer researching obscure areas of law and drafting opinion letters for a client. But the deathly fear is directly proportional to the satisfaction that arises each time the "complex and confusing" become "organized and understood" in my brain. Being a lawyer is essentially just organizing information and concepts into an easy to understand and helpful (for your client) way. And applying the information and concepts to an actual real-life problem that a client is facing and offering helpful suggestions on what to do next is a lawyer's equivalent to winning the Powerball.

So today, I was excitedly nervous as I handed in my assignment, fully completed, to the attorney. I had just been on a self-confidence roller coaster. One moment, I would decide that he was right and the project was way above my level. The next, I would uncover a clue hidden within a federal statute and feel happy little thrills pulsing through my body. I like to call this phenomenon the Legal Researcher's High (and Low). I held my breath for a moment when I handed in my assignment. I was dying to know if I had met or fallen short of the expectations set out for me. The attorney carefully reviewed my memo, expressed a sign of shock, and told me it was excellent. He then instructed me to send it to the client as-is. I walked away calmly, stepped into my office and did a silent yet jubilant fist pump.

Success! As an attorney, you have to take your successes when you can. It is a given that you will mess up sometime. Every time that you don't, needs to be celebrated.

So, as much as I look at each new assignment with utter terror, I am also thrilled beyond measure to have another new area of law to investigate and massage and examine. Law is such a fascinating and expansive subject. You can research every day of your life and still confront new issues and problems. In that regard, being a lawyer is extremely satisfying. Being a lawyer is also as intellectual as academia, except it is extremely practical. It's too bad being a lawyer comes with a host of unpleasant things, like student loans, job insecurity, billable hours, egomaniac personalities, and socially inept colleagues. Aside from all THAT, it is a wonderful, rewarding, and challenging career.

Billable Hours: Government Law Edition

In the family-friendly land of government law, "billable hours" is not such a bad word. Yes, it turns out that we still have them (where I am anyway) but they are mainly for budgeting purposes. "Billing" is such a loose term. "Billing" hours allows us to keep tabs on what government services and agencies use our time the most. Also, we do have some external clients that get actual bills.

The lawyers in my division of local government have a billable hour requirement. But it's a whole different animal than in private practice. I present....a demonstration:

Last week, I walked into my office and saw it. The dreaded billable hour spreadsheet. It was just sitting there, so-very-casually, on my desk. A bomb-detonator of emotion disguised as a harmless piece of paper. If you practice law in any private non-contingency-fee-based firm, you know what I'm talking about. You know the horror, the fear, the heart-stopping, body-paralyzing terror of the billable hour spreadsheet. It tells you, with pretty graphs and tables and formulas, exactly how far ahead (or in my case, usually behind) you are in reaching your billable hour goal (and from getting the life sucked out of your career).

My eyes scanned the numbers until they settled on my Number: 126. 

126 hours for my very first month at the firm. "I guess it's not HORRIBLE," I thought. But even as I thought that, I instinctively winced. At my other firms, I was required to bill at least 155 hours each month. My current number would be 29 hours short. That is almost 3.5 full days worth of work. I winced again. Well, it made sense. I took two sick days and spent two full days in non-billable training. Plus, it was a little slow going at first. 

I turned over the spreadsheet and sat heavily in my chair. That's when I noticed a bright orange sticky on the back of the paper. There, in pretty, feminine hand-written scrawl were the words, "Great job on your first month!"

What? Great job? I looked at the spreadsheet again which had a notation that my billable hour requirement was 1500 a year. I quickly did the math....wait, that came out to only 125 hours a month! Holy crap! 

So what would have been 29 hours short in my private practice attorney job was, in fact, 1 hour above my current billable hour requirement. And I wasn't even TRYING to meet my billable hour requirement that first month. I really wanted to do a happy dance but I was too deep into shock to move a muscle. 

Later in the day, my boss popped into my office and told me "good job" in person. She then commented, "We can always tell when someone comes from private practice. They are meticulous about their billing." I almost felt wrong accepting her praise. 126 hours was barely any effort on my part. In private practice, I would be scolded and reprimanded. They would demand that I come up with a plan for increasing my billable hours and insist on weekly follow-ups until I was on-track again. 

I'm still in disbelief about how amazing it is to be a government lawyer. If you can manage the discipline and long hours of private practice, you will succeed as a government attorney. And may even have a leg up.

Sap-Tastic

I've had several jobs that were merely tolerable. Once I got to the office, I could tolerate my work and my work environment. But I would often hate having to go to bed because it meant accepting that I had to work the next day. I would wake up and dread having to go to work.

I felt this way about classes. I felt this way when I took orders at a pizza place in Chicago. I felt this way when I was a file clerk for a city's HR department. I felt this way when I worked for a year as a paralegal. I felt this way when I was a legal intern.

When I graduated from law school and started my first job as an associate attorney, I thought my excitement would eventually fade. And it did. A little. But in the 1.5 years that I worked for that law firm, I couldn't remember a single day where I dreaded work. Even if my assignments were unpleasant, my clients rough, my schedule packed, I enjoyed going to work every day. I looked forward to it, in fact. I thought I was a sick, soulless person.  But when I worked as an associate attorney for my second law firm, I felt the same way. Even when I hated my work environment, I enjoyed my work. I was anxious to complete my 2 hour commute and arrive at my desk full of Important Things.

I assumed it was just litigation. I must be a sick, sick human who loves litigation, complete with lengthy motions, court-imposed deadlines, and strategic maneuvers. I love litigation with a passion (as long as I get to be on the defense side, anyway). I was very worried that my love for my work would turn stale upon taking a new job but that wasn't the case!

I love litigation but I love my job even when I'm not handling litigation. In fact, I love how exciting and interesting my work as a "general counsel" for a government entity really is. In my two months in the new job, I've handled such a random collection of issues spanning the entire spectrum of law. Every new assignment involves a new area of law or a different nuance to an old area of law. I had no idea how satisfying this work would be.

For a long, long time after lawschool, I was very bitter about my career path and the huge amount of indebtedness it caused. I has assumed, like most of my colleagues, that a law degree would bring a six-figure salary. If I knew then I'd barely be making HALF that upon graduation, I was sure I would have ran for the hills. I felt like my law degree was not worth the price I paid. I felt cheated. I had buyer's remorse. I regretted my decision. I had so much bitterness.

But looking back at everything now, I realize that it WAS worth it. Because I love what I'm doing. Absolutely love it. I know there is a career like that for everyone. A job that you love to do every single morning. A job that isalmost too good to be a "job." A job that you would continue to do even if money was not an issue. And law, as expensive as it may have been for me to get my foot in the door, just happens to be the perfect career for me. To have that passion and that love and that enthusiasm for the work that you will do everyday for the rest of your working life, is simply worth it. (P.S. if you are listening Direct Loans: I still wish I could keep more of my salary and not give it all away to you.)

Also, how can you not love coming to work to cabinets like this:

I know this post is sap-tastic. Sorry for that. I'm just feeling so incredibly blessed right now. In the morning, leave home for a job that I absolutely love that both challenges and fulfills me. And at night, I get to return to a home full of love and giggles and two sweet children. You know what? As much as I hate the phrase and the rhetoric that surrounds it, you really can have it all.*

*Caveat: I would like to qualify by saying that "having it all" is different for all people. It also isn't about being perfect or having things easy. My house is almost always a mess, we eat a lot of leftovers, and my kids wear the same clothes until they fail the smell test. God knows it is NOT easy to get both myself and the kids out of the house by 7:00 am each morning. And, oh Lordy, are they cranky as hell some evenings. But, despite the flaws and failures, I do have it all. And it's absolutely wonderful.

The Prostitutor

The other day I was in ToysRUs with both kids shopping for a friend's birthday present. After perusing several aisles with the kids, I realized how utterly unhelpful the entire effort was. Surprisingly, Jacob understood and accepted the fact that we were not here to buy toys for him and he never asked for a single toy once. But he was easily distracted and not helpful in picking out a toy for his friend either. So I had Jacob and Ryan go play with a train table display so I could get shit done. In peace.

After a while, I heard Jacob talking to another kid at the train table. The kid's mother was standing by watching. The kid started telling Jacob about his mom's work (something to do with large, fun construction equipment). Then Jacob, who apparently cannot pronounce the word "prosecutor," blurted out, "My mommy is a prostitutor!" The kid's mom looked very puzzled. I got such a kick out of it that I didn't even bother to correct him, which probably confused the mother more.

I look forward to more stories from Jacob involving, "my mommy the prostitutor."

Speaking of "prostituting," I'm still loving my job. Almost in a scary way. Most of my time is spent preparing for trial for a really fun personal injury case. Both sides have filed summary judgment motions. The issues involved in this case are novel and interesting and there really is no controlling case law. I've been doing a lot of the drafting for our motions and oppositions. Motions practice is by far one of my favorite things about being an attorney. I love to craft arguments, attack other peoples arguments, and basically take a bunch of weird cases and try to make them fit into the way I'm framing the issues. Whenever someone asks me to draft a motion, I get so excited, it feels like my eyeballs are going to explode from the pressure.

We attended a summary judgment hearing the other week and I sat in the benches while my boss argued the motion. The judge was also very fascinated by our case and you could see him getting all excited as he heard our arguments. As the opposing party was arguing their side, the judge took an argument I had written and promoted it. It was so awesome to hear a judge use an argument that I had created. At the end, he ruled in our favor and made a point to compliment our briefing. I was beaming with pride. I had spend at least 16+ hours researching and drafting that sucker! (Side note: this is another thing I LOVE about general counsel work versus law firm practice, I don't have to worry about over-billing so I can take my time on assignments, know every nook and cranny of the law, and do it all right without rushing or stressing!).

I'm also helping on non-litigation projects, which I'm still getting used to. Often times I will be thrown an issue in which I have absolutely no background knowledge. But the issues are always fascinating and my passion for public policy carry me through 800+ pages of public comment on rules from government agencies, almost without a headache. Administrative law was not my strong suit. My recent project has to do with law enforcement and mental illness, a topic that is very current right now.

Basically what it boils down to is that I love feeling connected to public policy. I love working on projects that will impact the community. I love being involved in local government, even if it is just a minor capacity. This job is my dream come true.

As far as the office goes, I'm slowly getting to know my coworkers better but I most often still feel like the new kid at school. I don't feel like I have a whole lot in common with my coworkers, although they are very nice. I know most people show a different version of themselves at the office. But I can be such a shy person, especially when I really want people to like me. I feel like the me at work is such a disconnect from the real me. I can't wait until I'm more comfortable and become better friends with everyone so I can feel like myself again.

My attempts at small talk are so freaking awkward and hilarious. I wish someone could film my attempts to interact with coworkers all day. I passed one attorney in the hall as he was taking his plate of lunch to his office, and desperate to start a conversation, I made a comment about the shape of the carrot on his plate. OMG. One of the legal secretaries has an office that inclines upward. Today, trying hard to start a conversation, I told her that she would be the most safe in a flood. Then there was awkward silence. I resisted the urge to laugh maniacally just to break that silence. Then there is the elderly coworker who asked me to have all of his babies.

There is one senior attorney in our office who is a very strange, but very smart man. I have a soft spot in my heart for strange people with weird people skills (because they are my people!). He likes to talk. A lot. The mind-blowing thing is that he can start talking to you about one subject and then go off into a series of tangents only slightly related to that subject but, eventually, he will always wind his way back to the original topic without missing a beat. He starts out talking about health information disclosures, then before you know it, it is two hours later and we are talking about meat packing at the grocery store and right when I'm about to give up hope that I will never get the answer I came in for, he will link meat packing right back to health information and - voila! There is my answer.

When he talks, he closes his eyes for up to 90 seconds at a time. Sometimes he flutters his eyelids uncontrollably it is like they are having mini-seizures on top of his eyeballs. Oftentimes, about 2.5 hours into his monologue, my ass is sore from sitting and my brain freezes over. I'll stare at him blankly and unfocus my eyes to create a double vision effect. Then I'll change the focus of my eyes to give him multiple eyeballs. Adjust the focus a little and he had three eyeballs. Adjust a little more and he has four eyeballs. Rotate my head a little and his four eyeballs begin to slant downward across his face. This is what I do to keep from pocking pens into my eyeballs.

Oh.. and you know how some people say, "yada yada?" Well, instead of that, he says, "smoochie-smoochie-smoo." The first time I heard him say that, my zen face cracked and I erupted into laughter in the middle of his office. I've found myself resisting the urge to incorporate that phrase into my daily conversations. What is happening to me?!

Oh how I love office socialization!

Almost Perfect...But Not Quite

Bonus points if you know the reference behind the title of this post!

Warning: this post contains a highly concentrated amount of sunshine and rainbows which may be damaging to optimism-sensitive readers. Read at your own risk.

Life in Dreamland continues. As I'm getting used to my new schedule, I'm realizing just how much my new commute has transformed every aspect my life. Everyday I feel like I'm discovering new ways that life is more amazing without a 5 hour commute.

For example, I used to loath the fact that we don't have a dishwasher. Every time I stepped up to the sink (usually at 10:30pm after a long, exhausting day), my heart scowled at the large tub full of disgusting, dirty dishes and I wished many plagues on all the previous owners who were too lazy (or poor) to install one. And I'd vow to eat hotdogs on paper plates for the rest of the month (a horror I wouldn't normally wish on anyone, much less my entire family).

But now that I have 5 extra hours in my day and have the luxury of coming home at 5:15pm and taking a 30 minute nap (like I did today!), suddenly washing every piece of silverware by hand (every single tong of every single fork) has lost it's heinousness. In fact, I put on my favorite playlist and sing to the spaghetti-caked dishware (boy are THEY lucky) as if I am in my favorite bar on karaoke night. (Sidenote: someday, I'm actually going to figure out a way to eat snacks while doing the dishes without having to comingle soapy, dirty hands with my Cheezits).

That is just one example of how my life seems brilliantly better now. I've always considered myself to be an optimistic, happy person. Now, with so much more time and less stress, I'm so happy that people are going to stop wanting to be my friend. For some odd reason, people do not like to be inundated with sunshine and rainbows on a chronic basis.

Obviously, things aren't perfect. Our schedules are still hectic. It's not easy getting the kids out the door at 7:00 every morning, there is usually a lot of whining and repeated requests for the kids to get ready. Then, by the time I pick them up in the afternoon (on my days), they are usually beyond tired and very crabby. Yesterday, I did not let Jacob have a smoothie because he was back-talking. The entire 15 minute drive home he was kicking his feet, flailing his arms, and scream-crying "I WANT A SMOOTHIE!" It sucked balls. Dude, I'm trying to help you not grow up to be a spoiled brat. A little more appreciation is in order! He should be thanking me for not letting him have a smoothie. Psssh, so ungrateful.

But that's the weird thing. When you have the benefit of a complete 180, the little imperfections are actually quaint and tolerable. I mean, nothing can be perfect. But things are pretty darn close. So close that it seems petty to complain about anything.

This is equally true for my job. I love my work. I love my benefits. I love my office. I love my commute. I love my clients. I love my community. But, there are always going to be some little things that keep it real.

For example, while people are very, very nice, not many people in my office are overly friendly. I can go most days without talking to anyone if I don't purposefully go out of my way to find people. This is mostly due to the way the office is configured and how we are all tucked away in private little corners. This can be a little lonely. (It doesn't help that I am the youngest person in the entire office).

I don't expect everyone to be my friend (although, that would be nice- I like people to like me), but I kind of hoped more people would put forth an effort on a personal level to get to know me (not just at the welcome pizza lunch we had last week). At first, I took it upon myself to reach out and make friends. But, I think I was trying a little TOO hard and mostly things were just awkward. Lesson learned: you cannot pursue friendship, you have to let them happen naturally.

I also have the most uncomfortable chair in the entire world. It's the opposite of ergonomic. It was designed to make people crippled from spinal pain. But I may only be here 6 months. Do I go out of my way to complain when I'm technically a temp? Do I bring in my own chair? Is that a little presumptuous?

When it comes down to the work itself, everything is awesome. It's the perfect mix of litigation and general counsel projects. Due to my trial preparation background, I'm assisting in a big case that is going to trial in December. I've been told that I'll actually get to participate and co-chair the trial! I've jumped right into this case, which is really fascinating and has become my life. I was asked to get started on opposing the other party's summary judgment motion. In two days, I cranked out a very tight  27 page opposition. The attorney I'm assisting (with 20+ years of trial experience) told me she could not have done better which made all my inane legal research and headaches and criss-crossed eyeball stares totally worth it!

In addition to this case, I'm been doing the legwork on an insurance coverage case. I have a weird love for insurance law. It's my passion. I drool when I get to discuss tender issues and indemnification and insurance bad faith. This kind of stuff is a drug to me. If I could take insurance case law and regulations and make them into something tangible, I'd inject that stuff right into my veins.

I also get to help on a lot of general counsel stuff. One of our clients is the local sheriff's office. I spent 10 hours last week researching state and federal gun control laws and how they interplay and overlap so that we can advise on the issuance of gun licenses. Last week, I knew nothing about gun control laws, aside from what I've heard on news radio. Now, I feel like I could lecture on this stuff.

I think my fellow lawyers will agree that this phenomenon is probably one of the best things about being a lawyer. You are constantly exposed to new issues and topics. And within the course of a week, you can go from blundering idiot to bona-fide expert on any given topic.

So, things are very good around here. Throw in the fact that the office has an automatic hot and cold water dispenser (unlimited tea- yay!), and things are....almost perfect :)