Sunday, August 30, 2015

When You Squeeze An Orange

Friday night, after the kids were all snoring in their beds, I pulled out a bottle of wine from the back of the fridge and slowly but steadily drank almost the entire thing during my TV date with my husband. (Full disclosure: I only drink like five times a year)

I fell asleep to a very pleasant and very strong buzz and, for the first time all week, I didn't wake up until it was actually morning. When I did wake up (when the kids woke me up at 6:45) to make the kids some cereal (like I was going to make an omelette and french toast after a bottle of wine) and saw the bottle just staring at me from inside of the fridge, I wanted to feel bad. But I didn't. My week had been insane and I had earned every single drop.

The past week involved so many stressful tasks, all unfolding at the same exact time. This resulted in three work-until-midnight evenings (but I was still able to come home and eat dinner and put the kids to bed). The biggest, most stressful things involved a hearing on a criminal case (I don't even do criminal cases) and and oral argument for a summary judgment motion. I argued the latter in front of my litigation boss, It was the first time she let me handle a hearing on one of her/our cases. It was a really big deal to me, almost like a test, and I was a total ball of stress (in the end, it wasn't as painful as I had imagined).

All week long I looked like a walking zombie. Not only was I going to bed late because of work, but Jon caught a cold on Monday and woke up multiple times every night. One night he just wouldn't go back to sleep no matter what I did and I was so tired and desperate (he shares our room) that I put his travel crib in the living room and let him cry it out for a while. I don't know when he stopped crying because I fell asleep almost instantly (I kinda hate to admit that very bad mommy low on the internet, but hey, I'm just keeping it real). Can't wait until he has his own room!

But this week wasn't ALL about work.

On Wednesday, I spent three hours with my kids at the county fair. Jacob wanted to go on ALL the scary rides. These are rides that even I would never go on- like, the ones that go completely UPSIDE DOWN. Thankfully, he didn't meet the height requirement so I had an excuse to tell him "no." Hey, sorry bud. I don't make the rules! What am I going to do in two years when he actually does meet the height requirements, ugh!

Sorry Jacob, no Twister Of Doom ride but how about this Happy Birthday Llama?


Cool beans, huh?

On Thursday night, Jacob had a meet and greet for his new school. The event was from 4-5. I cleared my afternoon calendar to make sure I could leave work early to pick him up at the babysitter's and take him to meet his new teacher and find his classroom. Then noon rolled around, and with it, a giant sh*t storm. I had to write an emergency motion to be filed by the end of the day. I wrote the entire thing, including declaration and proposed order, in a total of three hours (I think that may be my new record). Then I passed it on for feedback and scrambled to incorporate all the edits and revisions. At 3:30 I was just about to head out the door when my phone blew up with another emergency that I just couldn't ignore. Another attorney and I made a ton of calls and nearly got the thing cleared up when I finally had to just bail and let her wrap us the loose ends.

At 4:00, I ran frantically out the door to get the kids and we pulled into the school parking lot at 4:56. I scrambled to get all the kids out of their car seats and sprinted to the front door of the school just as they were announcing for people to leave the building. I'm pretty sure I yelled "EFF THAT!" as I blurred past the office secretaries carrying a 23 pound infant while herding two overwhelmed kids through the maze of hallways and crowds of people traveling in the opposite direction. We finally got to Jacob's new classroom, said a frantic "hi" to the teacher, and found Jacob's desk before they kicked everyone out to lock up the building.

When I pictured introducing Jacob to his new school to ease his nerves and calm his worries, I didn't exactly picture THAT.

When I finally caught my breath, I took the kids out to play on the playground. I glanced around at all the parents chatting happily, drinking the refreshments that had been served earlier in the event, and gossiping about the teachers while their kids played. Stepping from my crazy afternoon to this relaxed scene, I felt like an inmate who had mistakenly shown up at a bridal party. I just had to laugh. Only in my world would a "meet and greet" be that stressful. Things are that crazy for ALL working moms, right? Because I swear I feel like I live on a separate planet from everyone else sometimes.

Playing at the new school
This would be a great picture definition of the word "brothers."



This sign was posted at the gate to the playground...
Ok, who's the pig that ruined it for everyone else?


Today, my husband tackled the long list of home improvement items needed to make our home rental friendly and so I had the three kids to myself. I took ALL three of them to the mall to run an errand, then to Target for school shopping, then to the grocery store. The entire excursion took three hours but it felt like ten. At one point, there was a call to poison control. At another point, there was human poop on my shoe. At a third point, I was standing in a sea of spilled pencils.

"Hello, poison control? My son chewed on an electronic toy and swallowed orange gunk. Yes, "orange gunk" IS the technical term"


Jon likes orange gunk and teriyaki equally.


At Target, I had a napless baby in the cart, a three year old who kept jumping on and off the front end of the cart while it was still in motion and who was so excited about all the shopping that he kept pulling everything off every shelf to bring to me for purchase (sorry, we don't need six packets of Batman washcloths), and a six year old who kept running off and nearly caused thirty separate cart collisions. At the grocery store, Jacob and Ryan were opening the closing all the doors in the freezer section, picking frost off the shelves, and eating it ("look, we're eating SNOW!"). I loudly responded with, "Why are you kids following me? You should go find your mommy," before I marched away down the aisle. They didn't think that was amusing at all.

And then, after a trip like that, I see people on Facebook complaining about the store not having toilet paper in their favorite print and I'm all like, "Do I honestly live in the same world as people who consider toilet paper print to be a big source of stress?"

So yeah...all that just to provide the context for this:


You know what though? Even when things are at their craziest, I think I secretly love it. I think there's a masochist deep down inside me waiting to come out. And that masochist probably wants me to adopt like three more diaper-wearing children.

Because while kids do bring an insane amount of unnecessary stress, there are also many moments like these:



Big pile hug Mommy!



Hello, there is a panda in my garden


I read a great post on Facebook tonight. I'm not nearly eloquent enough to give it justice but it goes something like this: when you squeeze an orange, what comes out? Well, orange juice duh. Why? Because that's what's inside. When we get squeezed under the stress of life, what comes out? Anger, pain, fear? Because that's what's inside us?

The point is a great one. It's easy to pretend to be a great person. You find out who you really are when things get tough. So, when things get tough, we control what comes out. I absolutely love that.

Unfortunately, all that came out of me this week was some yelling, a bottle of wine, and a great big buzz.

***

 In other news, our home will officially be a rental in TWO short-long WEEKS!


1 comment:

  1. wait, you're moving? renting your house out? got a new house? and i'm with you on the wine. my kids have given me a new found deep and abiding love for alcohol. seriously.

    ReplyDelete