I can't tell you how many times I've sat down and attempted to write a blog post only to be interrupted by a baby's scream, an unintended nap, or my husband's invitation to watch a TV show (yes, adult time!). The past couple weeks have been rough ones but I am surviving thanks to quality time with a treadmill, late night naps in a hot tub while my husband watches the baby, and chocolate. Always chocolate.
Things were going well as we made our adjustments as a family of five. And then there was Black Thursday. Three Thursdays ago, out of the blue, Jonathan became a different baby. He was crying and fussing every waking hour, he fought off all onslaughts of sleep, and when he finally would fall sleep, he rarely slept more than 45 minutes to an hour (yes, even at night!).
Jonathan is my third baby. I feel like I kinda know what I'm doing on the baby front. I successfully have not killed two previous babies and saw them to toddlerhood. With over 12 years of babysitting experience prior to becoming a mom myself, I pretty much assumed I knew all the ins and outs of babies. But Jonathan. Jonathan is trying all my last nerves and exhausting all my special baby tricks. I have nothing left. I have no clue what to do other than to take everything a half hour at a time. This means not thinking about the hours and hours and days and days of fussing and crying ahead of me, or dwelling on the hours and hour and days and days of fussing and crying that are behind me. I'm exhausted.
After the first week and a half of this craziness, I fought back the baby-pro inside of me who scoffed at the idea of calling a doctor just because her baby was "fussy" and made a desperate phone call to our pediatrician. She saw us that same day. I assumed the doctor would say he was just "colicky" and give no real, tangible solution other than to send us on our way with nothing more than a sympathetic look. I remember staring at the doctor through desperate, sleep deprived eyes and regaling her with my horror stories of the week about non-stop crying and screaming, all the while trying so hard not to cry myself. To my surprise, however, our pediatrician offered us a real, actual diagnosis: acid reflux. This real, actual diagnosis came with a real, actual solution: a prescription for baby Zantac.
(By the way, if you ever want to bypass a lengthy pharmacy line, just show up with a screaming inconsolable baby. The other customers will let you cut right ahead. It's amazing how a screaming baby can induce anxiety into complete strangers of all ages.)
And for a short couple days, I was filled with hope. There could be a REASON for all the crying and screaming AFTERALL. And just maybe that little vial of peppermint smelling medication was the key. This hope kept me going for the past seven days. It kept me sane through hour-long screaming fits. It kept me from giving up as I rocked and patted and cradled and sang to and shushed my crying baby with no result. But you guys. It's been a week. And the medicine appears to be a dud. Some days are still just as hard as that Black Thursday was. Some days are better. There is no pattern. Nothing has changed.
My diet has also been the same since we brought Jonathan home. I can't point to any food that I eat that may have triggered the upset and trauma that started that Black Thursday nearly three weeks ago. Most days, when Jonathan is not eating or sleeping, he is (at best) fussing or (at worst) screaming. He probably has twenty minutes of happy time COMBINED for each day. Those minutes are golden and precious. And in those minutes, he is the most wonderful, beautiful, charming, and smiley baby ever. Then he turns into Mr. Hyde.
The constant fussiness really hurts in more ways than one. It's hard to see your baby unhappy. The constant and mostly ineffective soothing and consoling is exhausting. But also, this is my last baby. My last maternity leave. And I feel like I'm being robbed. I'm not even getting the chance to enjoy things. I had so looked forward to my time at home with Jonathan. But now, I just count down the minutes until my husband comes home so I can have some help. This is not how things were supposed to be. And it all makes me very sad.
Sh*t: I wipe it, put up with it, and get it done. These are the adventures of a mommy lawyer.
Hang in there! My son had horrible reflux as a baby ( which, incidentally, emerged right around when he was about six weeks). And what you described sounds totally familiar. Things did get better and I found that keeping him upright in a carrier right after feelings helped with some of the symptoms.
ReplyDeleteSomething about that six week mark! thank you!
DeleteHi, lurker here. I'm a pediatrician and mom of three. No corporate ties here, and none of my kids had this issue, but I'd consider trying giving him probiotic drops. Specifically, "BioGaia" is a brand that has been shown to significantly decrease infant crying time. Can be ordered through a pharmacist or directly online. May not help, but won't do any harm. Also reasonable to try dropping all milk and milk products in your diet for 7-10 days, then re-introducing them to see if there's any difference. Again, no risk of harm in trying, and it's possible it may help if he's developed an intolerance/sensitivity to the cow's milk protein. Also swaddling, and a white-noise machine.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the suggestions. I've heard people mention probiotics and I'm going to stop by and pick some up today- thanks again!!
DeleteDo you have a Rock 'n Play? A lot of babies with reflux sleep in that for a while because it keeps them at an incline. Also, there's another reflux med other than Zantac (although Zantac is the more popular one). I'd also try getting rid of all dairy in your diet for a while. :/ Mamadarity.
ReplyDeletehang in there. it sounds awful. a rock 'n play helped with our refluxy baby and i also had to keep him upright as much as possible. lots of time in the ergo.
ReplyDeleteI have no tips or tricks, just virtual support. The anxiety brought on by a screamer is so shredding. The only solution is pawning him off on others as much as possible until he grows out of it - and I know that your opportunities to do that are limited. How painful to feel like your last maternity leave is no good. I felt that way after baby #2 - angry that I'd received this "break" in work time, and yet hated every second because Liam was such a total pill.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I hesitate to counteract a pediatrician's recommendation of cutting dairy, I do know that statistically, the possibility of dairy in your diet affecting his digestion is extremely low. So you may go through that stress of cutting out favored foods - at a time when you are already extremely stressed - and see no results. My kids, though not too fussy, were heavy spitters, and I did a lot of research into the scientific studies that were in favor of or against diet changes. Most showed that percentages of actual intolerance or allergy are extremely low - 5% or less. My kids didn't scream, they just puked huge amounts constantly. Since they were giant babies who grew despite the spitting up, I decided not to cut out any food and rather relied on my favored foods as a crutch to get me through!
However, if cutting foods makes you feel like you are actively working towards a solution (rather than depriving yourself during a stretched and miserable time), do it! Truthfully, there is probably very little you can do in this time to make Jonathan stop crying. So turn your energies to taking as much care of yourself as possible. Put him in the crib and stand on the porch where you can't hear him for ten minutes. Ask friends to come by (on a lunch break even) and hold the baby while you take the bigger boys to the park. He will never remember this time, and he will stop crying eventually. Meanwhile, you are very aware of every shredding second. It is not selfish to make your health and sanity a priority. People like to help - I would love if a girlfriend told me she needed me, needed my help, could I please give her the gift of an hour off. If I lived there, I'd take him from you for a whole day!
Chin up, dear one - it will get better.
http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/the_kids/2013/04/how_to_tell_if_your_baby_is_allergic_to_proteins_in_your_breast_milk.html
This article ROCKS! I've been trying to give up chocolate (really the only dairy I actually eat) but I just can't seem to do it. And now I don't feel so bad! Thank you, thank you for your comment and virtual support :)
DeleteThat is a really nicely-written article. Very understandable, and all of the info in it goes along with everything I've been taught and observed in my practice.
DeleteWhat a tough situation, especially with two others to look after. My son was so very similar and after multiple doctor appointments with nothing but a sympathetic look and vague colic diagnosis we finally figured out he's allergic to dairy, eggs, and soy. It took a week or so on the new diet and he was so much better.
ReplyDeleteMy third was the same. She started screaming at 4 weeks and didn't stop until 4 months. Reflux meds did actually help her some, but it was so rough. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI echo the probiotic fans - it helped a lot with my first and I'm giving it to the new baby prophylactically. With my first I bought the BioGaia brand but this time around just bought the Gerber brand as they are licensing the BioGaia product now and it's much cheaper. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteBuy a vacuum CD. Turn it ALL THE WAY up. I had a colicky baby, my first. Lasted through 4 months, don't believe the hype. I changed my diet, I looked for answers, what is it? Only thing that ever truly bothered him was cinnamon. No reflux, or digestive issues, then or no. His personality now does match with the colic, in that he cries easily, angers easily, but also makes friends easily. Very emotional and hard when you are a baby? Anyway... I challenge you. Buy the Vacuum CD. Turn it ALL THE WAY UP and see what happens. Maybe that won't work. I spent a day or so holding a dustbuster next to his bouncer before we discovered the vacuum CD. Also, it wasn't just like you could set him down and put it on. Eventually, yes. But holding with the vacuum CD until he is asleep, then down, then keep the CD on at some level.
ReplyDelete(I don't mean to say, damage his hearing, but I do mean, it had to be as loud as an actual vacuum. Which if he was right next to it 24/7 would be bad. So not that loud. But louder than you like. My boy would be crying, the vacuum noise would start, get loud, and he'd calm down, stay awake calm a while--God forbid you try to turn it off--and then eventually sleep and we could put him down. He is a great spirited kid now, not a problem child at all! I don't know about the whole reflux thing. True for some but never for us. And cinnamon--any trace of cinnamon--did piss him off....that was the only thing)
ReplyDelete