Some days you just hit the jackpot:
Man: "It's been three month, why haven't you settled my case."
Me: "Uh, because it usually takes 1-3 years."
Man: "You know the first thing King Henry did when he became king?"
Me: "[Sigh.] No. I don't"
Man: "He killed all the lawyers! And NOW I know why!"
Me: "Yeah.... I think that was just in a Shakespeare play."
Woman: "[Frantic] My brother's in jail for a sexual assault and I think he's innocent! What do I gotta do?!"
Me: "You need to call a criminal defense firm."
Woman: "He's innocent! He really is! How much will it cost?"
Me: "I don't know, we don't do criminal defense."
Woman: "That 11 year old bitch framed him! I know he's innocent. I just feel it."
Me: "I can give you the number of a criminal defense attorney."
Woman: "How much money will it take to get him free?!"
Me: "I have no idea. Here's the number for the other attorney."
Woman: "So, will you take my case?"
Me: "I'll let him know that you called. What's your phone number?"
Woman: "1-800-In-Da-Butt! Ha ha ha ha!!!"
Woman: "Ok, seriously? It's XXX-5555"