God And Sex And The Inquisitive Child

I had just picked the kids up at my mom's house and we were all piled into the car heading home. Sometimes Jacob falls asleep during our drive. This makes for a peaceful car ride and a happy, exhausted mom. But sometimes, like tonight, we just end up playing 143 questions instead.

(Oh and P.S., Jacob gets most of his religious education from my mom)

"Mommy, do only bad guys die to their bones?"

"Wait....what?!"

"Do only bad guys, not good guys, die to their bones?"

"You mean become a skeleton? Everyone will die and turn into a skeleton someday."

"But good guys will go up to heaven and bad guys will go down to the devil?"

"Yes. Our souls will, but our bodies will go into the ground and become a skeleton."

"Why doesn't the devil just leave if he doesn't like it down there?"

"Um.....because.....maybe you should ask Grandma that one."

"Why do bad guys have to go down to the devil?"

"Well, God likes it when people are nice to each other. He likes it when we help each other and not just help ourselves. He likes it when you share, love people, and listen to your mommy and daddy.

"Ok. I will listen to you when I turn 8."

"No Jacob, you need to listen all the time."

"When you were a baby was I in your tummy?"

"Uh......No, you were in my tummy when I was a grown up."

"When you were a baby, where was I?"

"You didn't exist yet."

"So where was I?"

"Uh......you were with God."

"Ok. I was with God then I got in your tummy? How did I get in your tummy?"

"Um, God put you there." NOOOOO!!!

"Oh. But how?"

"Um....(getting a little uncomfortable here)....He's just special. He can do anything."

"Ok. But how?"

[Pause]

"God has a big button on his desk. When he pushes the button, a baby starts to grow in a mommy's tummy."

"Oh yeah. I know that."

Phew, I temporarily dodged that one.