I'm Best Supporting Actress

Sometimes I feel like a supporting character in my own life which, for the last several years, has been in the complete control of mini tyrants. But it's ok I guess, because I kinda love them. If I had to guess as to who the star is right now, it would be Jon. It's probably bad to say that, but he has us all in a trance. It's really hard to ignore this little guy:

Especially when he's full of smiles, which is basically all the time. In the middle of the night he'll stir and wake up, which causes me to wake up (he sleeps between my husband and me). My first instinct is to be PISSED that 17.5 pounds of baby is all that is coming between me and a much needed full night of sleep. But then I look over at Jon and he catches my gaze and (just when I'm about to be full of exhausted rage), he gives me this giant, mischievous beam of a smile. Basically he's communicating the fact that he knows he's a pill but that he knows he can get away with it because he's so darn, freaking cute. At my own frustration, my anger dissipates into thin air and I immediately start grinning back at him.

I just can't say no to this ball of adorable human flesh! And he's growing up way too fast for my heart to accept. He has two bottom teeth (has had them for quite a while actually), and he's rolling all over the house. And he's SO close to crawling. For fun, he gets up onto his knees or all fours or his hands and toes and rocks violently back and forth. He can also scoot himself backward at warp speed. He just hasn't figured out how to propel himself forward yet. And for that I am very thankful (I say this as I eye the large tub of small Lego pieces at the other end of the room).

My Jon Bear doing his pushups

He's a mover and a shaker, literally.

More pushups. Hey Jon, you're making it harder than it has to be!

Because so much of my focus is on Jon (being an infant he still needs me for pretty much all things), less focus is being sent Ryan's way. And I feel absolutely terrible about that. Despite the fact that he is three and very stubborn and particular and capable on many levels, he is still really little. When you stop and think about it, being three years old is pretty much like being a newborn relative to the average adult male life span of 70+ years, right? Unfortunately, I'm only reminded of his babyness when he gets hurt or upset and crumbles into a mess of tears. As his face erupts into a storm of emotion, I can see the little baby in him once again. I feel bad for always trying to hurry him or rush him or getting angry when he's unwilling to do something on his own (it's hit or miss as to whether he will use the potty without one of us assisting him even though we KNOW he can do it by himself).

He's still recovering from his recent ousting from former position as baby of the family. I get it. I totally do. But still....I only have so many hands. Usually, with Ryan, it comes down me having a choice as to whether I will act in a manner that is efficient/convenient or ultra-nurturing. And this choice usually occurs at the end of the day when I'm already exhausted. Efficiency wins almost every time. I just hope he and I are both not being robbed of HIS remaining babyhood as I also try to revel in Jon's.

Ryan often crawls into our room early in the morning. My wake up call very commonly looks something like this:

So, wise internet, I have a question. How am I supposed to absorb and appreciate every second of the precious, passing years for each of my children? How?! I can't even remember what I wore yesterday! How can I thoroughly enjoy them when most days they are physical and emotional energy leeches that I can't wait to send off to bed? Also, why isn't sleep at the top of Maslow's hierarchy of needs? If someone could please invent a brain computer where I can download and relive all these precious memories at my leisure, I would totally appreciate that.

I was mulling over these concerns yesterday after dinner when Jacob ran up to me and asked, out of the blue, if we could go to the pool. Tonight? Psssh, it was already 7:30pm. My practical mommy control board was already preparing its practical mommy response of, "OF COURSE NOT!" when I stopped to think about it a little bit more. Seriously? Why not? It wouldn't be the end of the world for the kids to go to bed half an hour late. Someday I may look back and give anything to have enjoyed more impromptu adventures with my children. Moms don't ALWAYS have to be practical. Moms don't always have to say "no."

And that's how I ended up waist deep in pool water at 8:30pm with a splash-happy infant, a screaming three year old who refused to use the scary locker room potty, and a six year old who refused to get out of the pool. But you know what? Despite the insanity....I really didn't regret it one bit. The look of pure, uncontained joy on their faces when I whisked the kids off to the car for a very special and unexpected pool trip was priceless and worth all the sanity and the years of my life that I may have lost.

While there were no special pool trips this evening, we did celebrate Jacob's last T-ball practice today. To cap off the practices we played T-ball, parents (and Ryans) versus children. It was so fun to watch the dads get into the game and to hear the kids whoop and holler whenever they struck an adult out (yes, it happened!). I even hit the ball a couple times. And after my own experience, I'm less inclined to judge when one of the kids misses an easy pitch during game time (yipes! It's harder than it looks!).

Kids v. Parents (and Ryans)!

We got home, rounded up the dirty and cranky kids for dinner, yelled at them for not sitting and eating, put them straight in the tub for a wash, washed the clothes that Ryan peed in when he refused to go to the bathroom for no reason whatsoever, went through the numerous rigorous steps necessary to put three children to bed. Only then did we stop and breath and take a moment to realize that OMG, it's our anniversary! "Happy Anniversary! Now excuse me while I pack the diaper bag for tomorrow, make several sets of lunches, and finish drafting a motion that's due tomorrow!"

And this is just further proof that I am simply a supporting character in my own life.

Our nightly routine frequently involves trying to feed a bouncing baby who is constantly trying to undress himsel

And a chapter or two of Harry Potter before bedtime.

Post De San Diego!

So...San Diego happened! Last week my husband went to San Diego for a work conference. I got to leave all three kids with Grandma (Saint Grandma) and fly down to join him for two nights after his conference ended.

There is only one way to describe a trip (however short it may be) involving hot weather, sandy beaches, uninterrupted nights of sleep, a margarita, and no children. That way would be this: pure and utter heaven. This was only the second trip I have ever taken with just my husband in the seven years we have been married (never had a honey moon). What the heck have we been holding out for? The two nights and three days we spent in San Diego were almost magical. Not only because of the warm weather and the sandy beaches....but because sometimes I forget just how amazing my husband is.

He's smart, and funny, and handsome, and insanely responsible. People don't often think of responsible as one of the "sexy" qualities that they look for in their Prince Charming. Let me tell you...it's probable THE sexiest quality. My husband has his retirement all planned out. He knows how to build a wall. He regularly caulks the bathroom tiles. He can pick the ripest cantelope in the produce aisle. He double checks that every door and window is locked up before we leave the house. Plus, I really like being able to just show up on vacation and rely on him to have planned out all the logistical stuff like: how to take public transportation, where the nearest grocery store is, and creating a painstakingly researched mental list of all the must see tourist destinations. I seriously love this guy.

Oh, and he's also kind of fun to hang out with.

On day two, we rented a car and drove up to La Jolla beach. Make sure you learn how to pronounce it the right way so you don't end up sounding like an idiot like me. I was amazed at how little traffic there was. I guess I was expecting it to be like Los Angeles (California + sun + destination).

We stopped at Mission beach and Pacific Beach on the ride back to the hotel. Gorgeous! All of our beach walking and downtown walking that second day added up to 9 miles! We had to scarf down a lot of tacos to keep up our energy.

On our last day, our flight didn't leave until 8 p.m. so we took advantage of our few remaining hours to do more exploring. We rented some of the public street bikes and rode to Balboa park, which was about a mile from our hotel. Balboa park is amazing. It's full of fun street vendors, museums, and stuff for tourists to do. 

Dr. Seuss tree

Museum of Man

Biking San Diego was seriously one of my favorite parts of the trip. I need to bike more. Biking is awesome. Even when you are doing it in boat shoes.

Downtown San Diego was kind of unimpressive during the day time (night life is fun). It pretty much just reeks of homeless people urine. But the San Diego waterfront was magnificent.

I make my husband take weird pictures of me. I don't know why he puts up with me.

Is it bad that I didn't miss my kids once? I mean, I kept thinking of them and how much they would enjoy our trip but...I wasn't exactly in a rush to return home. 

When we did arrive home, we were greeted by three handsome, wild boys who seemed to grow a crazy amount in the short time that we were gone.

This little boy is six months old and is almost ready to crawl! He also has two brand new teeth.

Must. Reach. Ball.

He is also the next pushup champion of the Pacific Northwest

My handsome little big guy!

All my babies! Stop growing! STOP.

Ryan loves Jon Jon. The love is not always reciprocated. "Look mom, he's standing!"

Apparently, Jon didn't get the memo that he is Jake and Ryan's pet.

The Happy Side of Christmas

I've had a very rough couple days. I spent most of this weekend on the verge of tears. Tomorrow doesn't look brighter. It's hard to not let your happiness fall under the control of other people, especially the people you love. A romantic would say that that is the whole point of love. To tie yourself inexplicably to another. But a realist, one who has been married a few years, would disagree.

Yes, in marriage, you have to work and think as one. But even your life partner will disappoint from time to time. So how do you keep the source of your happiness independent from the person who is your present and your future?

I don't know the answer. As an extremely independent person, I find this to be one of the most challenging things about marriage. How to be in control of your own happiness while also being part of a two-person team.  Maybe it's impossible.

In my last post, I guess I painted a bleak picture of our Christmas. The truth is, a portion of it WAS bleak, but only in my heart (where I so desperately tried to focus on the actual meaning of Christmas- but I struggled, a lot). On the outside, for the kids, it was a magical success. And as a parent, sometimes that is all that matters. As the title of this post promised, here is the happy side of Christmas.

We celebrated Christmas Eve at my parents' home.

 At least my hair looks pretty good. 

I brought over the Christmas cookies Jacob and I made and we set the kids to town decorating them. Jacob was painstakingly meticulous about his cookies. When he dropped a brush and red specks got all over his green tree, he had a total meltdown and ran down the stairs in sobs. He didn't come back up until I promised repeatedly to frost over those darn rogue red specks.

The salvaged tree.

Ryan was a little less meticulous and basically just dumped sprinkles everywhere.

Here he is double-fisting his sprinkles. Notice that there is not a single cookie on his plate. But there are plenty of sprinkles!

"Mama, pretty!"

Then, before opening gifts, we sang Happy Birthday to Jesus. Jacob wanted to bake a cake. I was running low on time and money. So we just picked up half-price cupcakes at Safeway. Hopefully, Baby Jesus didn't mind.

This picture captures Jacob's personality perfectly. Wild, gregarious, fun, and very much not to be tamed.

Jacob received a ton of coloring and art supplies. He LOVES art and I love watching him work so hard to color pictures and draw his own. Jacob has already mastered the moody, artist personality. He knows that all good art requires inspiration and that sometimes inspiration requires libation. (I already KNOW I will receive hate mail or mean comments because some people have NO sense of humor. So please note: he did not actually drink any wine.)

I'm so proud of his Ninja Turtle. For those not versed in all things TMNT, this is Leonardo. He has a blue headband and two swords. 

Jacob has been asking for walkie-talkies for about 5 months. I totally forgot to put them on his wish-list. But family came through. He was absolutely THRILLED.

And Ryan very much enjoyed his new Elmo. Ryan was an excellent gift-opener this year. He was unsure at first but by the end of Christmas day, we was trying to open any present he could find. "Mommy, present!"

We got home at a pretty reasonable hour Christmas Eve (10pm). The kids fell asleep in the car and we whisked them right to bed. Then, the most amazing thing happened on Christmas Morning. My kids, who, no matter how late they go to bed will always rise no later than 7am, actually slept in until 7:30am! I know it's not a huge deal but for sleep-deprived parents who stayed up until 1am making sure Santa did his job just right, 30 minutes is GOLDEN.

Santa's footprint (we don't have a chimney- correction: we have a chimney, but no fireplace)

The tranquil scene, post Santa. 

Can you guess what Santa brought Ryan? I had so much fun wrapping that gift!

That's not even the most amazing part. When the kids woke up, I snuck out and put cartoons on. The kids happily watched cartoons until 9:30am. If you aren't amazed, then you simply do not understand:  the kids happily watched TV...on Christmas morning...for two hours...while standing two feet from the tree and all their Christmas presents!

I woke up at 9:30 am and finished the breakfast I had started the night before. We had quiche with cornbread crust, breakfast potatoes, and burnt bacon (my specialty). Ryan was ready for a nap at 10:00 am so we put him to bed and enjoyed our quiet breakfast. We didn't even get around to opening gifts until 11:30 am, when Ryan finally woke up. To me, that itself was a Christmas miracle. Growing up in my family, this would have been unheard of!

Jacob looks so grown-up here. It kills me.

His favorite gift: An Innotab 3 tablet. We really wanted to get him his own tablet with games for reading and math and this was by far the least expensive ($50) and had the best ratings. You can buy all kinds of games for them. Santa brought a Ninja Turtle Math game. I highly recommend this! The only down side is that it take four AA batteries but you may be able to buy an AC cord for them.

Jacob feels so grown up and special. He is learning how to use the calculator among other things. He carries it around everywhere he goes (even when he has used up his allotted play time for the day).

Ryan got some ball toys. I really skimped on Ryan this year. In fact, we only bought a handful of toys for each of the boys. Ryan only TWO (oops). But I'm glad we didn't buy more because our family totally spoiled them.

Jacob with his Legos and Ryan with his "hoop."

After opening presents at home, we went to my husband's parents home for an early dinner and even more gifts.

Ryan ate Ranch dressing for dinner. 

Jacob dressed up in his new threads...and a bow. Because...well, why not?

While the boys were spoiled with gifts this year, I kept half of them (already unwrapped) stashed under the tree. Over the past couple days, I've slowly been pulling them out one at a time. The boys had forgotten about most of them so it has been fun to see their faces light up when I pull them out. This has prevented Christmas let-down and has extended the fun as long as possible. Also, I have absolutely nowhere to put the new toys. My house is bursting at the seams with stuff (even after two Goodwill trips). Sometimes I wish my boys were twins. Because then I would only have to maintain one age-range of toys in the house. 

I hope everyone in Internet Land had a wonderful Christmas (and if you're Catholic, then Happy 5th day of Christmas! Still 7 more days to go!).