Last night I convinced myself that I was no longer pregnant. I hadn't had any symptoms in two days. The days prior I had constant minor nausea (my one and absolute only symptom) which stopped suddenly on Sunday. It wasn't until last night that I realized it was gone. I cried myself to sleep thinking that my pregnancy had ended. But by the time I was dropping the kids off the next morning, it slowly crept back. I have never been so happy to have an upset tummy.
If not for that constant minor nausea, I would not believe I was pregnant. It's so surreal. I'm still afraid to really believe that I am. For this reason, I am a constant pregnancy test taker. This is the only aspect of my life touched by OCD. I have a gazillion ovulation tests strips left over from when we were trying for Ryan. A little known fact is that ovulation test strips will show up positive if you are pregnant. I've been taking them 1-2 times a day trying to accept the fact that there is, in fact, a baby happening around here. My doctor won't even see me until the middle of April....that's a long time to live in uncertainty land.
I have recommitted myself to a gym routine. I've been going to the gym 4-5 times a week. My typical workout includes running 4 miles, squats, lunges, pushups, and burpees or kettlebell swings. I'm also trying really hard to focus on my separated abdominal muscles. I can fit two fingers between the abdominal muscles near my belly button (thank Ryan!). I'm terrified of the muscle tearing farther this time around. I'm going to try to sign up for some road races to stay motivated- even if it means running a 10K with a baby bump and pushing two kids in my jogger. I will not be stopped!
My schedule has been pretty insane lately. But somehow, I'm more organized and accomplished when my schedule is full. It's normal for my husband to not come home until 8pm three days a week (he works out after work, I work out after the kids go to bed). But lately, he has had work events and band practice in the evenings, which means I'm alone with the kids most days. After a long day of work, it's hard to come home and not just collapse onto the couch. But somehow I'm finding the energy and willpower to cook dinner, do dishes, pick up the house, play referee, put the kids to bed, and STILL go to the gym at 8:30pm. As long as I stay far away from the couch and it's mighty gravitational pull! We'll see how long this lasts (snort).
Last night was the first night in 4 weeks that Ryan did not wake up crying in the middle of the night (and stay awake for an hour). He still has been very difficult to put to bed but hopefully this is a trend in the right direction.
I did laundry and not a SINGLE pair of socks actually matched. I have no idea how this happens!
Tonight, we decided to make a cake, just because it is Wednesday and ... well, why not celebrate a Wednesday?! The kids were very good helpers. Jacob mixed the entire thing himself and Ryan watched, mostly from a distance. He really wanted to help and be part of the action so he leaned in just far enough to reach his spoon in the bowl. They were much better beater cleaners than mixer, I must admit.
Tonight, both kids are "camping" on the living room floor. Jacob has been making "forts" in the living room. Hilariously, his idea of a fort is simply taking all his shit from his room and putting it in a giant pile in the living room. He's slept here for the past three nights. We just may have solved the problem of how to fit three kids in one tiny bedroom....
I've been pulled in to assist on new litigation projects at work. I think I've developed a reputation for motion writing because I have been requested to draft four upcoming motions (two of which are summary judgment motions). This makes me so very happy. There is nothing I love more than drafting motions. My days go by so fast, I get to use my lawyer brain at the utmost level, and I get to do some legal research and learn about new areas of law. I've been told several times that they are trying to find a way to keep me. This makes me very happy (yay government benefits and retirement)! When you truly find your niche, being a lawyer can seriously be the most awesome job in the entire world.
And now, I took an indulgent night off of exercising so that I can watch the most recent episode of Justified. Woo hoo!