Thursday, September 11, 2014

All My Babies Are Growing

We've almost survived the first week of Kindergarten. Things have gone surprisingly smooth. Jacob loves school and is excited to be dropped off each morning. He seems to enjoy the kids in his class as well as all the activities of the day. It's weird to try to piece together the events of his day from bits and pieces that I hear from him.

I got a little carried away with pictures...but my first baby is going to school for the first time so you'll have to forgive me.

Ready for his first day!

My boys :) I can't get over how big-kid-ish they both look.

On the first day of school Jacob only expressed one concern. He was worried that if a bully gave him a wedgie, he would stretch out his new Ninja Turtle underwear. I love that he didn't care so much that he would get a wedgie, just that it would ruin his underwear!

As far as I can tell, he hasn't encountered any bullies yet. Although, there was a little drama on his first day. After school Jacob took the bus to his afterschool care program. When I got off work, I was so excited to meet Jacob at the afterschool program. I got my camera phone ready, expecting him to beam with delight as he saw me and wanted to tell me all about his great first day. Except, when I got to the afterschool program, I saw all the kids playing happily except Jacob. He was sitting in the corner sobbing, his face and eyes completely red. My heart completely broke in two as I quickly dropped the camera phone into my pocket and gave him a big hug. He was so relieved to see me and I can't remember a time in the recent past when he has hugged me so tightly. Apparently he (1) initially missed his stop for the afterschool program and then (2) thought he was in the wrong afterschool program location. He was certain I wouldn't know where to come pick him up. Poor guy. I haven't been that heartbroken in a long, long time.

But I knew all the worry and drama had been quickly forgotten when Jacob woke up for his second day of school and exclaimed, "I can't believe I get to go to school again!" I took this as a good sign!

This year is all about the Ninja Turtles, obviously. Although you may not be able to tell, his lunch box matched his underwear.

Outside his classroom!

Jacob's seat at the all-boy's table. I LOVE Kindergarten classrooms!

I only cried a tiny bit after dropping Jacob off that first day. I was fine until I set him loose on the playground and walked away. As he ran towards the playground, he didn't look back at me once. As I headed towards the car, tears just came over me. I didn't really know why I was crying. But I couldn't stop. Maybe it was the realization that Jacob is one step closer to being independent from me? Five minutes and a skinny vanilla latte later, I was totally fine and ready to tackle my own day.

Now we've being doing this whole school thing for almost a week and in the four days since school has started I've already become sick and tired of making lunches everyday. And it looks like Jacob is going to have homework every single night. But he's an all-day Kindergartner....why the heck does he need homework? Oh and Jacob has already lost TWO sweaters at school! Ugh. This is a total pain in the ass because he has a uniform policy and I bought those two sweaters specifically to comply with that policy. I can't just send him to school in any old sweater. GRRRR!

Ryan has been enjoying having his grandma and his babysitter all to himself during the day. He asked where Jacob was once or twice but, other than that, he was fine being all on his own. I was definitely more emotional than he was about the fact that the kids would be apart from each other on a regular basis for the first time since Ryan was born.

Wanting to be a big boy like his brother, Ryan has been asking me to pack him a lunch for the day. He's quite the little independent man lately. He insists on dressing himself lately and I'm still amazed to see him disappear and then reappear wearing an outfit.

As much as he is a bog boy, he is very much my cuddly little baby. Ryan is very physical in all aspects. He expresses himself through touch and contact. When he is playful, he can be really aggressive. When he is tired or hurt, he needs touch. Every night when I lay next to him as he falls asleep, he reaches up and grasps my hands then he snuggles his head against my body. He falls asleep with his hands wrapped around mine. The other morning he woke up and crawled into my bed. As I slept, he began to pet my face and my hands. I'm still trying to figure out if that is creepy or sweet.

Yesterday I officially scheduled my C-section for baby number 3. Baby's birthday will be October 20th. I love knowing the birthday in advance. I don't love mentally preparing for C-sections, however. For most of my pregnancy, the thought of a second repeat C-section didn't bother me at all. I thought I would be an old pro and have little anxiety this time around. I think I was wrong.

This morning I pre-registered at Labor and Delivery and as the nurse was giving me instructions about not eating eight hours before hand and the proper way to shower before the procedure, I broke down and began to sob right in her office. Actually thinking about the details made it all seem so real and so close. The anxiety kicked in big time and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be a complete wreck on October 20th. Ugh, I remember shivering uncontrollably on that operating table, completely naked and vulnerable and helpless, and being overcome by a paralyzing and uncontrollable anxiety. My mind kept telling me it would be ok, but the rest of me would not listen. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. I'm so not looking forward to repeating that situation.


  1. I'm due on October 15 and am so jealous you know his actual birthday! It's fun, though, knowing that another MILP is having a baby around the same time. We will go through the newborn phase together!

  2. Can your doctor give you anything for the anxiety during the c-section (like Valium)?