Saturday, February 7, 2015

Folks May Call Me Crazy

But that's probably because I am. Most Saturdays will find me chasing all three boys around town doing various weekend activities while my husband works on projects around the house. Why is that? Well, maybe because I absolutely HATE working on house projects (seriously, I would rather hang a picture crooked and complain about it for five years than get out the level and spend way too long making sure it is done correctly). Also, I have no clue what I'm doing when it comes to being handy in the yard or with a tool. If you don't want it done with a hot glue gun, don't ask me to do it.

Also, the kids need entertaining. I wish we lived in a great house with a great yard where the kids can spend hours entertaining themselves. But we don't. We live in urbania. My house is practically a children's kennel. They need to be walked. Vigorously. Oh and if I don't keep them busy with activities, they will eat each other. If you think I'm exaggerating, then you've never lived with three little boys.

Finally: my sanity. I can't stay in a 950 square foot space with three little boys all day. I go insane after just two hours, or when someone starts to paint the walls with yogurt, you know, whatever comes first.

So......I take the boys out into the great wide world. Just me and a Subaru Legacy packed to the gills with smelly, farting, burping, toy throwing, crumb making, screaming boys. Are you jealous yet?

Today, after running several errands (buckle all the children, unbuckle all the children, force all the children out of the car, coax the children into leaving their Hotwheel cars and Lego creations in the car, make sure all the children do not get hit by any vehicles, then repeat x3). and a ten minute trip to the park (cut short by voracious, sideways rain), we meandered our way to the bowling alley.

After I struggled to get all the kids out of the car for the fourth time, Ryan and Jacob spotted a dead, decapitated rat in the sidewalk and spent several minutes observing and exclaiming excitedly about the discovery. "Hey guys, should we go into the bowling alley- you know that really fun, indoor activity that we came here for.....or would you rather keep staring at this dead, headless rat all day? No Ryan, you can't pick it up! Stop. Back away from the dead animal! ROADKILL IS NOT A TOY!"

Of course we arrived right behind the world's largest birthday party. I kept looking for a celebrity. Because no one short of Beyonce can possibly have that many real life friends! I spent about ten minutes trying to hold my spot in line while trying to parent two mobile, hyperactive children. Suddenly, those stupid child leashes started to sound a little less stupid.

By some miracle we made it to our lane with three bowling balls, our bowling shoes, a diaper bag, and Jon's carseat.

We so fancy! Ryan did NOT like these shoes. Which is pretty evident by his lack of enthusiasm in our bowling shoe picture:

Jacob did a great job and had a lot of fun. Except when Ryan started to surpass him in points. Then he did everything in his power to sabotage Ryan, including setting up the bowling ramp crooked when no one was looking. 

And Jon fell asleep in his carrier halfway through and I kind of forgot about him. If you look closely you can see his carseat behind the table in the background (green arrow). Ooops. Third child problems. 

Ryan knocking down the last pin.

I know he had bumpers and used a ramp but Ryan proved once again that there is no sport that he cannot do well. He KILLED us. And he was barely even trying. I had a feeling about how the game would go after the first round. Jacob and Ryan both bowled a spare and I knocked down one measly pin. I'm blaming it on my back, which is pretty much broken from years of rocking babies to sleep (dear Cry-It-Out method: you can shove it).

Jacob, Ryan, and Mommy's score after the first round.

After bowling, we played at the arcade. Ryan naturally excelled at beer pong. I'm going to have to start checking on him in the middle of the night to make sure he isn't sneaking out to college parties. His amazing beer pong skills started to really concern me until I remembered that the person who gets the balls into the cups doesn't have to drink. So he'll basically be the most sober person at a beer pong party (let me have my delusions).

Ryan got 6/10. When I tried, I only got 2/10.

In the arcade, Ryan whacked Jacob really hard with his jacket (when you have boys, even clothing can be hazardous) and Jacob yelled The Word. You know, the "F" word. And I don't mean Fat. All color left my face and my feet froze to the grimey, wild-patterned carpet. Two other moms look on in horror at my kids, then back at me, waiting to see what would happen next. I wanted to hand them buckets of popcorn and ask them to silence their phones. INSTEAD, I pulled my kids aside made it very clear that if either of them uttered that word again, I would have a bar of Dial soap at the ready to scrub out their mouths. I don't know if I handled that the best way....but I have very clear memories of my mom using the same threat. She only had to scrub my mouth out once....and I never swore again (until 2006). Those memories haunt me to this day.

When we came home, Ryan and Jon played dinosaurs while Jacob had second dinner. This kid EATS ALL THE TIME. The staff at Jacob's afterschool program pulled me aside on Friday when I went to pick him up to ask me about his eating habits at home. Basically he eats so much there that they were concerned I was starving him, or just too poor to feed him? Nope. He just eats constantly!

Ryan brought Jon an array of dinosaurs.

"Wait, you're going to leave me along with these things?"

I meant to blog earlier in the week but I got a little busy. So I'll just let this post meander a bit....

Earlier this week I ordered an electric fondue pot. Because, duh, why not? And last night, the kids helped me practice making chocolate-covered strawberries. It was a HUGE hit.

Until the sugar high kicked in at 7:30pm.

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