Tuesday, October 9, 2012

What's Pissing Me Off Right Now

Wanna know what's pissing me off? THIS label on all containers of baby formula:


It's like a slap in the face everytime I make Ryan a bottle.

Breast is best? What the hell does that even mean? "Best." It's such a loaded word. If a mom physically cannot breastfeed, then no, breast is NOT best and who are you, stupid government regulation requiring The Label on every container of formula, to pass judgment. What about the mom who juggles work and home duties, who cannot or does not want to interrupt her challenging work every three hours to pump for twenty minutes, which is physically and mentally uncomfortable, in a non-private work space? When pumping would make the return to work insanely hectic, logistically hard, and almost not worth it, then is breast really "best?" At the sacrifice of a new, guilt-ridden mom's sanity, I say NO.

So what's the point of that stupid passage of judgment of a label anyway? I'm willing to assume that any mom reaching for a container of formula, for one reason or another- whether out of necessity or lifestyle, has already decided to give her baby formula. And, it's probably likely that that mom already feels a little twinge of guilt for not being able to exclusively nurse her baby. How is that mom supposed to feel when she sees that judgmental label exclaiming to her that she's`not giving her baby the "best?"

For me, I was physically unable to nurse without using a nipple shield. But I still nursed Ryan until he turned four months old and I returned to work. At that point, I decided that my life was already crazy enough with two children, a job, and a childcare commute, I wasn't going to pump. I didn't mind giving up nursing. In fact, I couldn't wait to stop. Yes, I'm an evil, non-crunchy mom who hates breastfeeding. Judge away.

With Jacob, my first baby, I continued to pump after I returned to law school. But I HATED it. Absolutely and in every way. It was so impersonal and uncomfortable. It was a logistical nightmare if I was commuting or out in public. Carrying the pump as I walked all over Seattle and trying to keep the milk cold all day was such a pain in the ass. It drove me insane and wore me down. My only regret with nursing is that I didn't switch to formula sooner.

Why didn't I? Because of self-imposed and externally-imposed guilt. If you're a mom, you're getting pelted with tons of messages a day about what you should do, shouldn't do, what you're doing wrong, what you need to buy, etc for your kids. There's judgment around every corner. And all of us are just trying to do the best we can with the time, money, and energy we have.

At Ryan's two month check-up, I remember telling his doctor that I would be returning to work. I was haunted by guilt over the future transition to work and that guilt made me feel compelled to ask her permission to switch to formula. The second I did, I immediately felt sick. Why the heck did I think I needed to ask her permission? Plenty of babies grow up on formula. I had no reason to feel guilty or insecure about my decision. Bless her heart, she might have recognized the fact that guilt was eating up my insides. She smiled, looked at me reassuringly, and enthusiastically told me, "of course it's ok!"

There is no such thing as "best." There is no rigid set of rules that applies across the board for all babies. All babies grow at different levels, live in different environments, have different temperaments. We don't need to be constantly told that the decisions we make are not some unatainable level of what's perfect or "best."

I know plenty of babies who grew up on formula because their moms were physically unable to breastfeed. Those babies are now smart, tall, strong, secure children. Jacon was given formula for the last six month of his babyhood and he's one smart, creative kid. Ryan has been eating formula exclusively for the past two months now. He is thriving, happy, chubby, smart, coordinated, and loved.

So, take THAT stupid, judgmental label!

7 comments:

  1. Yeah, I think this is definitely something that's gotten so crazy. Now in some hospitals they won't even let them give out those little formula take away bags that had lots of fun stuff in it. I breastfed Z until she was 6 months and plan to nurse Boo until the end of the year, but this was possible because I wasn't/am not working, I have lots of milk and it doesn't hurt!

    Boo's latch wasn't great for the first 4 days until I saw and LC. I almost cried every time. If we hadn't gotten that sorted she would have been formula fed from the beginning! At this point I BF just because I'm kind of lazy and hate cleaning bottles.

    Have DH black out the label or rip it off, if it bugs you, but don't let it get you down!

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  2. THANK YOU!!!! From formula-feeding mommies everywhere. :) Johnny had swallowed some stuff when he was born and got a tube shoved down his throat resulting in a raw throat for about 3 weeks. Of course we got off to a bad start. Nick would have been great at it, but my demanding 2 year old freaked out every time I sat down to do it, resulting in all 3 of us crying. And when I had Henry (my 3rd kid in 3 years) I attempted it, and broke down when I realized that it was almost impossible to go anywhere or do anything and I felt like a horrible mother whose kids had permanent cabin fever. Props to those moms who are able to easily do it in public, but I'm well endowed and found it too difficult without giving everybody a show, and my kids hated being under a blanket. Formula works, it's fine-all 3 of my boys are smart and happy. Oh? And none of them have EVER had an ear infection or been sick as infants, which apparently is going to happen if you give them that "poison."

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  3. Great points! You are so right--from breastfeeding to developmental activities, moms are bombarded with messages about what they SHOULD be doing for their babies. I used to get so depressed everytime I read developmental baby books because that was just more stuff I wasn't doing for my kid. It's crazy-making! Glad you guys have found a happy medium that works for all of you. I don't know why you would ever have to apologize when you have a baby that smiles as big and looks as happy as Ryan does!

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  4. Wow! That is crazy. You're right, "best" is a very loaded word and is completely inappropriate for such a label.

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  6. Word. x 1,000. One of the big attractions to the thought of never have another baby is that no one will ever ask me, "are you breastfeeding?" "omg, why aren't you breastfeeding?" "don't you know you're supposed to breastfeed?!" I am in no way against nursing, it is unequivocally a good thing, but that does not mean that formula is bad. It can be a necessary, life-saving option for many women and babies, and I got so tired of people/labeling companies pretending like it is a do or die option when it simply isn't and moms have enough to feel inadequate about!

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  7. Exactly. I did it. I effing hated it. I want to punch people in the face when they tell me how it's "beautiful" or "natural" or "best." Also, I'm tired of seeing bewb feeding in the media. Do it if you like, whatever, but why the militancy? I feel the same way about this whole renewed breastfeeing movement as I do PETA: Great cause, obnoxious delivery, and I just can't get on board without feeling dirty.

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