Wednesday, January 1, 2014

A Mother's Ten Commandments

1. Thou shall eat thy veggies. Yes, even the ones that look like leaves. And the yellow ones. And the onions. Does thou want dessert tonight? No, not just three bites. Eat them all!

2. Thou shalt not urinate on the toilet seat. And if thou do, thou shall promptly wipe it clean. And not with my face towel this time.

3. Thou shalt not jump on the couch. But if dad isn't home and it will make thee stop whining, then thou may jump until thy sees dad's headlights pulling into the "driveway.

4. Thou shalt not use mommy's mascara as wall decor. Or cat decor. Or as face paint.

5. Thou shalt not kick thy brother. Unless he deserves it. Then make it count so he will learn a lesson.

6. Thou shall remove all snails from thy pocket before laundry day (we learned this one the hard way).

7. Thou shalt not eat candy that thou finds on the mall floor. Unless it has a hard candy shell, then it is probably not so bad. And if it's a green Skittle, I call dibs.

8. Thou shalt not take things from mom's candy drawer, sneak it into thy bed, and eat it all up under the covers. If thy do, giggling while locking thy bedroom door is a big giveaway.

9. Thou shalt not bother mommy while she is drinking wine. There is a reason mommy drinks. It is probably related to thee.

10. Thou shalt not tell daddy that mommy drinks wine in the middle of the day.

If only my kids could read, I would post these on the refrigerator.