I always thought I was the kind of person who doesn't want anything for my birthday and who would actually prefer there not be a big deal about it. And then this year it happened. And I realized that this is exactly NOT true.
Today is my birthday. And after waking up with Jon three times in the middle of the night, I arose (way too early) to a hungry baby in my bed and two hungry, fighting children in the living room. And no husband. I buzzed about the house like a tornado, feeding children, dressing children, sending children to timeout (multiple times), yelling at children, getting children ready for T-ball, and somehow finding time to dress myself, however poorly (yoga pants, Seahawks hat, yuk).
My husband eventually came home. Apparently he had gone to the gym (gee, how NICE for him to have that luxury). And we ran out the door for Jacob's last Tball game. My husband and I took turns chasing Ryan and entertaining Jon during the game then we all rushed back home, dirty, starving, and tired.
My husband made himself lunch and leisurely ate it at the table. Apparently, he had forgotten that FOUR other people in the house also eat. I tried to keep my deathly dagger stares to myself while I did a load of dirty T-ball clothes, unpacked the diaper bag, put Jon down for a nap, and prepared lunch for two hungry boys. The boys tried to refuse what I had made them. What the hell? It was 2 pm and I hadn't even had a moment to feed MYSELF all day. I hadn't had a single bite to eat. AND IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY!
After lunch, my husband went outside to do chores. Great. It was just me versus the three boys. I took them for a long walk to a fountain park,where I managed their tantrums and their fights. Ryan had a complete meltdown when he saw the fountains. Um DUH. What did he expect to find at a FOUNTAIN PARK. Apparently, sometime between last fall and today he developed a deathly fear of fountains. OK....
Then we stopped for ice cream. Except I had the AUDACITY to take a bite of Ryan's cone. He literally melted to the floor and cried the entire time in the ice cream parlor and the remainder of our bike ride back home.
After a long, drawn out bedtime process, I put the kids to bed. Now I'm sitting on the couch while my husband sits and stares at his computer screen. No card. No cake. No birthday dinner. No little note.
HAPPY. EFFING. BIRTHDAY.
Sh*t: I wipe it, put up with it, and get it done. These are the adventures of a mommy lawyer.
Happy birthday! That just sucks.
ReplyDeleteThat is seriously terrible. Not every birthday needs to be a huge deal or involve a lot of money spent, but I think people who love you should take a moment to recognize the day you were born, your personal little holiday, and do something thoughtful for you. I would be furious, and genuinely, deeply hurt. I feel that way anyway and I don't even actually know you!
ReplyDeleteWow, just wow. I have three boys as well and if my husband ever disappeared on a weekend like that or made lunch just for himself, there would have been real daggers involved. I hope you're okay--I wish I could take you out for a birthday drink!
ReplyDeleteBoo! You should get a birthday do-over! Happy Birthday anyway!
ReplyDeleteThis just isn't right. You're hurt and you feel ignored, and you need to stand up for yourself. You shouldn't just be accepting this in silence. It needs to be addressed. Your husband may have genuinely forgotten (awful but it happens), but you don't need to keep quiet about it. You have feelings and they deserve to come out.
ReplyDeleteReally NOT OK. I would be a very scary lady in your shoes. Happy belated birthday!
ReplyDeletehappy belated birthday. i agree with all of the above. the way you were treated is just not ok. no one deserves that and you have a right to feel hurt. not one thing (however small) from your husband or kids to show they appreciate you on your birthday? not ok at all. to be honest, i'm pretty appalled by your husband's behavior.
ReplyDeletei'm sorry, but i am shocked at how you were treated on your birthday. you weren't even given the chance to sleep in? your husband couldn't even be bothered to make lunch for you (or your kids)? or handle the kids' bed/bath routine so you could relax? no special treats or other small tokens of appreciation on your birthday? that is not ok!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry. Wish it had not been like that for you.
ReplyDeleteWow, were you writing about yourself or me? that is exactly how my birthdays go (minus the infant)! you are in the hardest season of your life and every year is bound to get better (unless one of you gets cancer or some other debilitating illness) - so here's to a BETTER year ahead!
ReplyDeleteHappy belated birthday. I think I remember a similar post from you regarding a holiday/birthday a couple of years back. Maybe it's time for a talk with the hubby? It could be that he just doesn't get that you'd really appreciate it if these days could be treated as special? Hope next year is better.
ReplyDeleteUgh, this sucks. I agree with P2P though- stick up for yourself a bit and set expectations in advance. I have learned the hard way that my vision for holidays / birthdays isn't always exactly in line with what my husband plans on, so I try to prep him (and me) for success in advance. I'm not a bit fan of the "I want this necklace [send the link]" type expectation-setting, but a simple, "for my birhtday I'd like to sleep in, go to barre while you do something fun with the kids (like pick out a birthday cake for me...), and go out to dinner somewhere the kids can run around." It helps to define the boundaries of what I would call a successful brithday while enabling enough autonomy / self-directedness to have it not feel scripted. Maybe something to think about for next year (or next weekend, when you deserve your birthday re-do...)
ReplyDeleteOnce had a mother's day like this. I was (very) pregnant with my second daughter. Hoped for a nice breakfast. Instead...I got up when my oldest came to our bedroom, fed her breakfast (the dining table was a mess, so cleaned up first), fed myself breakfast, dressed my daughter, dressed myself. Finally a sleepy husband showed up: "Oh, you are already up?" I was so mad. Told him he has child care duty for the rest of the day...went to the office, billed some much needed hours on a big case, had take-out for lunch and embraced the fact that I had something my male colleagues have all the time: open end work day. On a Sunday. On mother's day.
ReplyDeleteNowadays I express expectations. Crystal clear with no room for misunderstandings. Romantic? Not. But better than being disappointed and ending in the office on mother's day.
And men seem not to mind it. You now...they are from Mars.
I am really sorry for you, I know how it feels! Give yourself a treat, even if you have to demand it...