But my life right now is split between two wonderful worlds: a job that I absolutely love and people that mean everything to me. When things are uncomfortable or difficult, I hate to even complain. Because I have everything.
I'm not going to lie. Sometimes I let things that don't matter get me down. I get frustrated and sad by the size and deficiencies of my house. I'm jealous of the people who own big, new vehicles (one or the other would be great!). One glance at Facebook and I see all the things I wish I had in the lives of other people. I tell myself that THINGS don't matter, people do. But sometimes I say this with a mental asterisk (*But it would really be great if ___).
More and more, though, I'm accepting this mantra. THINGS don't matter. People do. No asterisk. I feel more grounded. I feel more secure (in all senses of the word). I make less apologies for myself. When the world is my backyard- waiting to be discovered, conquered, explored, or enjoyed- I don't have to worry about what I posses. In the end, we all freaking die. Even that mom with the perfect beach wave hair and fancy BMW.
Hiking/Biking with my crew in the bigness of nature
Time passes for everyone. It does not discriminate. I'm going to love my life and myself while it is here. Because the alternative- not being here or not loving being here, is simply not that pleasant. And you guys, I don't even have to sweet talk myself into believing this anymore. I've accepted it. I think this is the great revelation of being 30. I finally accept all those things I've been telling myself that I've accepted.
There was T-ball this weekend. They actually look like a real team.
Ryan can't wait to play. For now, dad will do.
So, this weekend, this wonderful, sunny, busy, noisy, tranquil, child-filled weekend. It was excellent. I'm so charged up on love right now that I could probably go five days without chocolate (but why would anyone do that?). And how I feel can't even be traced back to any possessions. Unless of course you count the plastic plate with my phone number on it that Jacob gave me for Mother's Day.
What Mother doesn't dream of getting a plate with her phone number on it? Number blurred out to protect the innocent (or just me).
It came with this Mother's Day card that also included my full name and phone number (blurred out).
It looks just like me!
Speaking of Mother's Day, today I met up with my sister and my mom for manicures. Out of a spirit of adventure, I chose this bright color. It's kind of growing on me. I'm going to enjoy it before it chips away in the soapy waters of my dish-filled sink.
I never wear nail polish. When the boys saw my nails they looked completely shocked. Like I had an extra head. Jacob looked puzzled and kept asking, "why would you do that?!" Then Ryan kept looking at them and exclaiming, "what IS this?!"
They were so enthralled and then they asked if they could have some. Why not? We had a manicure party on our front steps. They were so thrilled and insisted on a different color for each nail. I love this time right now. Before they are unduly pressured by the expectations of society. If they want to paint their nails, who am I to tell them no? I told Jacob that if the kids at his school don't like his nails, he should ignore them. I told him it took me thirty years to realize that other people's opinions are kind of lame.
As the sun was setting softly and the kids were running around our yard playing with bubbles, I sat Jon in my lap, leaned back into the wood chairs my husband built, and just soaked it all in. The fresh air, the smell of freshly cut grass, the feel of my comfy yoga pants, the laughter of half naked children, the happy bubbling of my baby. It was the perfect moment. I was so happy that tears were welling up.
And then this picture perfect moment was broken by the sound of Jon chocking violently on a blade of grass he had picked and shoved into his mouth, and the warm gush of an entire container of "Garden Vegetables" that oozed sloppily out of his mouth and all over my hands. That's so life. Perfect one moment, messy the next. I couldn't help but laugh. And snap a picture, of course.
And now I have to leave you with this awesome drawing I found in Jacob's homework folder: